True Beauty Lies Within
by KannaxChii
Summary: When Al dies, Ed is left alone in his misery. Roy takes him under his wing and supports him through his depression and self-doubt. As they grow closer, a certain secret makes itself known, and everything around him turns upside down when he learns that Edward is not what he seems to be. But his life and feelings aren't the only ones effected. Royxgirl!Ed femEd Author's note!
1. Chapter 1 plus author note

**TRUE BEAUTY LIES WITHIN - revised**

**Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist**

**Pairings: Eventual RoyxGirl!Ed, EdxWin, and Royai**

**Warnings: Genderswap, character death! **

**Note: This is a remake of the original version so if you read the original, you should reread this. Things will be slightly different this time around and hopefully things won't end up like last time where I end up uncomfortable. I have my reasons and it's not that I don't like the story, but like I said before, there are just some things going on in my life that have changed my pt of view on a few things like depression, etc. This story will be mostly the same but with a few differences here and there and possibly more depth and detail, and things might not happen exactly as they did before so be prepared for some change in story and plot. The author's note before this chapter explains some of the situation for this one as well. **

**I'm also deleting the previous chapters so if anyone wants them, don't know why you would, but if you do, just send me a message and I'll send them to you. I don't feel like coming up with a new title and making a new story so I'll continue on posting on this one. If you want to review and you have already done so previously, then you can send me a message I guess. :3**

**wolfmajesti is continuing the original. Check it out! 3 **

**~Thank you, to everyone else who has reviewed. I love you all, and I'm sorry.**

**Kanna **

**Also parts of this chapter toward the end have been revised so be sure to look into it!**

…

**Chapter 1 – **

Things had not gone as planned.

He and Alphonse had originally wanted to return to Risembool after the Promised Day, and reunite with Winry, their close childhood friend. They had also wanted to stay with the Rockbells and recover and rest up until Al was healthy enough to resume his studies and travels. There had also been other reasons – reasons beyond anyone else's knowledge and comprehension. Only Al seemed to know and the younger Elric wasn't telling.

The elder brother had always had feelings for the young automail mechanic, even despite his bluster and denial, and so he had decided to pursue her further and hopefully they could live out their lives together. But no sooner had the battle ended with Father, and he had paid his final price for rescuing his brother, that dream had been squashed flat.

Any hope of claiming the young girl's heart had been left behind inside that fucking gate and now he was afraid…too much so to even voice his feelings because he knew that she would turn him down in an instant.

Not only was his automail gone and he was left to deal with an arm that was still so weak and vulnerable, he had also lost his alchemy – a major part of him that still stung whenever he tried to transmute out of pure habit. But there had also been one other problem that had arisen, something horrific that had come to his attention not long after he had returned to their small apartment.

Something had indeed gone very wrong inside that gate, but he had hidden it so well that no one knew other than Alphonse.

But it wasn't all affecting just himself, but his little brother as well. Alphonse had been horribly ill for months and it really was beginning to worry him with grief, as Al just was not getting any better. The doctors did not know what was wrong, and despite their intensive training and specialization in medicine and medical practices, the only thing they had been able to do was give him pain medication and intensive care, but even that had done little to help with the strange sickness his brother had contracted. It just wasn't right. Al had always been the healthy one when they had been nothing but children. His immune system had been so strong and sturdy and he had rarely ever gotten sick even with the flu.

So why now? Why when everything had finally started looking toward the better? It just wasn't fair.

Maybe this was his punishment for setting foot on forbidden ground. If that was the case then he could live with this curse, this change, that had been trusted upon him, but why Al? Why his little brother?

"Ed?" He blinked, startled by the groggy voice that called his name. "How long have you been sitting there?" It was Alphonse. He was awake and as always, those large brown eyes were wide with concern. "You'll get sick, Brother, if you don't rest."

This wasn't right. His breath shook as he clasped his hand around his younger brother's. Al shouldn't be concerned about him, not when he was in such bad health. Not when he was so ill that couldn't even get up and walk. It wasn't his place to worry. That job rightfully belonged to himself alone, not this sickly boy. Not this boy that had been bedridden for the past months. "I'm fine, Al…"

"But, Brother…" He shook his head as he tightened his fingers around Al's. They really needed to take him back to the doctor, but he was too afraid to admit to that, too afraid to admit that he could loose him. No, that just couldn't happen. Not to Al. Not after all they'd been through. No. He just couldn't loose his only family, and yet Alphonse was the strong one. "I'm not going to die. Please stop worrying about me."

He watched a tear slide down the brunette's cheek and he reached out to brush that tear away. Back then, he should have known, but he had fought tooth and nail to deny it, to deny any possibility. Yet, Al knew. Alphonse knew all along and that's what hurt the most.

"I…I can't help but worry Al. This isn't normal, even by what the doctors said…" and he watched as the younger bit his lip, as he pondered over what Ed had said and over what had not been said. _'You need to go back to the hospital. I don't want you to die.'_

The bedroom door suddenly opened with a soft click as a girl, Ed's age, stepped into the room. When her tired blue eyes landed on the Elrics, she heaved a sad sigh as she stepped over toward the bed. "Ed, how many times do you intend on doing this? You need to come to bed. You need to rest…" She expected him to complain or brush her comment aside with that attitude of his and insist on staying awake, but he merely sent her an uneasy look, one she couldn't quite place, as he reached out and brushed his brother's sweaty hair back away from his large weary brown eyes once more.

"Ed, worrying over him isn't going to make him get better. It's only going to make things worse for the both of you." She said sadly as she crossed her arms over her bosom with a sigh. This had been frequent for the past few weeks and it was also the main reason for why Winry was staying with Ed and Al in the first place. Ed was always worrying over Al and if it continued… "It's only going to make you sick if you keep staying up with him. You need your rest too."

"I know, Win…" He said lowly when he leaned back in the chair beside his brother's sick bed, refusing to look at her. He watched his brother's chest heave weakly and all he wanted to do was ease that pain, but he couldn't do anything, couldn't help him even in the slightest. "But this is my fault and I can't help but wonder what life would have been like if I hadn't been so foolish."

This time is was Alphonse who interrupted his thoughts…his words. "Brother, none of this is your fault, at least not all of it." Those weak fingers grasped his own tightly as the brunette rolled over in the bed and clutched his brother's much smaller hand up against his pajama clad chest. Ed heaved in distraught as he felt Al breathe in and out weakly, and Alphonse got shifted onto his side, facing both he and Winry. "This was as much my decision as it was yours. You can't hold all the blame."

"You were young."

"As were you, brother. We are only a year a part. Remember? I knew what I was doing…what I was getting myself into. That was my fault as well…" Al lowered his head, those long brown locks hanging lowly around his shoulders and across the white bed sheets as he held his brother's hand tightly.

"I don't hate you, Brother…"

And when looked up, Alphonse was smiling. His eyes practically shining as another tear ran down his pale cheek.

"But, Al…"

And without much of a warning, the brunette shot up from the bed and slung his arms around the blonde's shoulders in a surprisingly strong embrace. "…No, Ed." He managed and the elder brother could feel Al's heart hammering against his own body – way to fast to even be considered healthy. "I could never hate you, B-brother, because I owe you my life. I would have died way before now, if you hadn't been there."

Embraced by the strongest hug, Alphonse could have possibly mustered in his weakened state; all Ed could do was fight back tears – tears of joy and sadness alike. Yet for some unknown reason, Ed just couldn't seem to discern one feeling from the other. His mind too jumbled and miserable, and so he remained still and just allowed Al to talk.

"I love you, Ed…don't ever forget that." And Ed heaved sadly as the brunette tightened his hold around the blonde's shoulders with strength that should have long sense been lost to him. "I'm glad to have had you as my older brother. More so than you could ever know…" He stammered and Ed finally managed to force his arms to move as he wrapped them around his brother's trembling back, tears running freely down his raw cheeks as he couldn't help but feel the bony vertebrae of the backbone beneath the palm of his hands. It was a reminder of just how thin and frail Al actually was, and despite Al's wishes, he just couldn't help but hate himself for it.

"I won't ever stop loving you, Al." He whispered into the brown locks, his tears dampening the dark strands as he held his brother close. "…But promise me you won't go…at least not because of this."

Alphonse remained silent for a moment, his mouth holding a small frown, before those brown orbs gazed up beyond the blonde's head, fixing Winry Rockbell in their dark pools. He mouthed something to her and that was all it took before those blue eyes grew wet with her own tears, and her small mouth quenched shut in a grief stricken frown that she just couldn't seem to hide.

After a moment, her delicate fingers wiped at her own tired eyes as she forced a smile on her sweet lips. She gave him a small nod, and his own cracked lips curved upward into a weak smile as he wrapped his arms further and tighter around his brother's shoulders.

'Thank you,' he mouthed before those brown orbs drew shut.

"Brother…I can't promise you anything, but I won't go so easily. I won't just give up on life. Not when you and Winry are here to edge me onward. W-we've been through so much…so…"

When the boy's sentence cut off abruptly, Ed suddenly felt those frail arms slacken around his neck. A coughing fit wracked his small, frail frame and Al struggled just to remain upright, even with Edward's help. They needed to get him back in bed so he could rest. He was much too weak for this.

Winry seemed to notice his alarm as he suddenly had help in leveraging Alphonse up and over to the bed, where she tucked the pale teenager in and brushed his sweaty bangs back away from his face. "Al, are you alright?" She asked with worry.

The brunette stifled a cough as he gave them both a small smile. "Yeah, I'm okay. I guess I pushed myself a little too hard there."

"You're still really weak. You shouldn't be moving around so much." Winry scolded as she dipped a washrag into a bowl of ice-cold water – something Ed hadn't even seen her fetch. She then draped the damp, cold rag across his forehead to help with his fever.

"You'll just get sicker if you keep this up."

Al laughed lightly, earning a bit of a scowl from the girl as he turned his red tinted face back toward his elder brother who was obviously worrying over his condition. "Ed, I'll be okay. I just can't push myself like I use to."

Edward, feeling slightly discouraged and helpless, rested his fingers against the rise of his little brother's feverish cheek. He was so warm. "Al…" he breathed and the younger looked up at him with that sweet innocent smile he'd always had – and always will, Ed thought. He wouldn't die... "You need your rest… You'll feel better in the morning."

Alphonse just smiled back as his fingers brushed up against Ed's.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Good night, Brother…" Al said with a sleepy yawn as his eyes slid shut. Edward watched as he drifted off into a feverish night sleep, and as Al's breathing evened out as well as it possibly could, he prayed to the god – or to any deity, that he didn't believe in, that Al would make it through the night.

Even more so that he would get over this illness and live out his life as he saw fit.

"Good night, Al."

Only things did not turn out so well. For things had turned for the worse. Alphonse hadn't gotten any better. His illness had only gotten worse and without any means of treatment – other than a few doses of medication prescribed by the doctors, it had left Al bedridden for another few months and unable to care for himself. As the months had progressed, his condition had only worsened until he had become too weak and too frail to even sit up in his own bed.

And then that morning arrived, and Edward Elric had found himself seated at Alphonse's bedside once more. Only this time, things were different.

He had held tightly to his brother's frail hand, far too weak to even tremble. Al hadn't even been coherent enough at that point to even tell his own brother apart from Winry or the doctor. He had just been too far too gone to know anything anymore.

The doctor had stood by his bed, watching over them silently as Ed had tried in vain to communicate with his dying brother, and minutes later, much to everyone's surprise; Al had groggily turned his head in Edward's direction. He had said something to the elder Elric. His voice so low and so soft that no one else had been able to hear what had been said. Only Edward had heard and he had little intention of telling anyone else what Al's last words had been.

Those had been meant specially for him…

And with a smile, so gentle and sweet, Al had slipped away and Ed's heart had been smashed to pieces in a matter of seconds. Al's final words to his brother had occurred just seconds before he had passed away, and Ed just couldn't take it. Filled with grief and sorrow, he had been forced away from Alphonse's deathbed and led out the room so the doctor could tend to the body.

Winry had been there to hold him as he cried hysterically.

It wasn't even a week later when they held the funeral.

It was small. Consisting of just close friends. He had no family. Not anymore.

The funeral party contained, the Rockbells – Winry and her grandmother, as well as all their military acquaintances – including, Brigadier General Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, and the rest of the troupe. Along with Gracia and her daughter Elysia. The Xingian Prince, Ling, his companion, Ran Fan, and the little Princess, Mai, had also come. The little girl had been reduced to tears right from the start and her handmaid had done all she could to comfort the crying teen. It wasn't hard to understand really, considering how much she had come to love Al.

With the funeral coming to a close, everyone had offered their condolences before heading back to their homes. Winry and Pinako had gone to his side, asking him to walk with him when they went back to the apartment.

"Not yet…" He had said solemnly. "I'll head home in just a few minutes…" The pair merely nodded, worry clear on their faces as they offered their condolences once more before turning and heading back to the Elric apartment. Only when their footsteps had melted away into silence did he finally allow the first tear to fall. "Al..." He sniffled and he wiped at his wet eyes haphazardly, fighting the tears that refused to stop. "Look at me, I'm such a mess. I can't even stop crying."

It's okay to cry."

Roy plodded over beside him, his hands in his pockets as he contemplated over what to say. Comforting a teenager, no young adult, was not something he was exactly good at. "It's getting late." He examined his pocket watch with a bored expression. "You should head on back to your apartment, Fullmetal. We don't need you getting ill as well."

"…I can't." Ed said in a very small voice. He really was just a child…a child that still needs comfort and reassurance that life would eventually work out in the end. That blonde head lowered, his bangs shielding his eyes as his tears spotted the muddy ground at his feet. "I can't go back there just yet. I can't go back to the place where Al died…it's too painful."

"The Rockbells will worry if you don't go back."

Edward shrugged. "I can't face them…"

"And why not…?" Roy's dark eyes narrowed apprehensively. "Fullmetal, you can't stay out here. You'll get sick."

"What's the big deal? Maybe I just want to join my brother. Have you even thought about that?" Edward snapped, and the Brigadier General saw red, his blood boiling as his anger spiked to raging levels.

His sudden movement had caught the grieving and possibly suicidal blonde off guard, so much so that Edward hadn't had a chance to intercept the white gloves that had snatched up his collar in a vice and powerful grip. Th ex-Fullmetal Alchemist found himself hoisted up and off the ground, his legs dangling helplessly as his hands held tightly to the ones at his throat.

"I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again, Fullmetal. Do you hear me?" The Flame growled angrily as he threw the poor teenager to the ground in a disheveled heap. "I swear, if you even consider suicide…oh so help me, Edward."

"This has nothing to do with you, Colonel Bastard." Ed snapped, his voice slightly winded and out of breath, and he forced himself to return to a stand.

"It's Brigadier General, Fullmetal, and yes it has everything to do with me." Roy spat as he glared down at the infuriating blonde, his hands back in his pocket, thankful really that he hadn't had his alchemic embroidered gloves on. "As your ex-commanding officer, Fullmetal, I believe that makes it my business, especially when my ex-subordinate is considering such stupidity. You might not be under me anymore, kid, but I still feel responsible for your wellbeing."

"Don't be an idiot." Edward said irritably, his nose in the air as he dusted himself off with the flick of his hands. "You are not responsible for me in any way. At least not anymore so why don't you just go flirt with some chick or whatever else you usually do, and just leave me alone. I'm not worth your time."

Roy was clearly un-amused. "Kid, you don't know what you are even talking about."

"Like hell I don't." Ed spat as he continued to glower up at his commanding officer with annoyance and anger. "Your reputation as a womanizer is well known all over Amestris, you idiot. I know more about you then you think I do. So don't treat me like a child that doesn't know any better."

A snort escaped the man's lips as Mustang crossed his arms over his broad chest. "I'm not treating you like a child, Fullmetal, but you really shouldn't believe everything you here." Because some things just weren't accurate.

"…So you deny the rumors?"

"Yes, Fullmetal. I don't just sleep with anything that moves for fuck's sake, and why the hell am I ever discussing this with you in the first place. I don't date men..." Roy grumbled irritably, and Ed blinked at his statement.

"How would I know? Neither do I." The blonde said lowly, his eyes down cast, and he turned and slumped down to his knees so that he was eye level with the newly placed tombstone, his fingers tracing along the engraved words that wrote out Alphonse's name. "…I…I wonder what Al would think?"

"If it's concerning your sudden thoughts of suicide, then I'm sure he would be angry and disappointed…" Roy stated offhandedly, not really expecting the blonde to really reply back, but with a small nod, Edward had proven him wrong once again.

"Al wouldn't have wanted me to feel sad and depressed, but how can I not feel this way?" Ed sniffled as his fingers traced over the 'A' and 'L'. "He was my little brother and the only family I had left…"

"You aren't alone." Roy's hand on his shoulder was gentle. His touch so comforting as his voice spoke so unusually mellow and warm. "He'll always be in your heart, Fullmetal, …you'll make it through this…" and Ed found himself overcome with uncontrollable grief and loneliness, but at the same time, he was filled with the comfort and relief of knowing that there was still someone who cared.

"You will never be alone…"

Because he was there, and all negative emotions toward his superior seemed to melt away, even if it was just for a moment.

The mass of blonde that rammed into his stomach and clutched at his clothing with those small hands was unexpected, but Mustang said nothing as he wrapped his arms gently around the boy's small quivering shoulders, and he embraced him ever so tightly as the boy cried his heart out.

He had brought the youth home after that, knowing that Old Lady Pinako would have had his head if he had even attempted to leave the kid out there alone.

"Don't let him do anything stupid."

Those had been the old woman's words when he had passed her by to go check on his grieving subordinate. She hadn't said anything else, but he wasn't exactly suicidal, and he certainly did not want to disobey those words. Because he knew that the woman had a soft spot for that boy. She treated him like her own grandchild. Who was he to go against her wishes?

And so he was here, seated on his black leather couch beside the still sobbing teen. Ever since the blonde had broken down in the cemetery, Edward had simply been inconsolable, and that had left Mustang at his wit's end.

With little idea of how to calm the boy down, he had resorted to the worst thing he could have possibly have thought of, but when you are desperate and tired, and all you want to do is relieve that pain and suffering, sometimes the wisest decisions aren't always made. Mistakes do happen and thanks to this one single event, their lives would soon be turned up on end.

….

"Fullmetal, drink this." Tear filled golden eyes shined with doubt and question as Ed was handed a large bottle of red colored wine. "It might only be temporary but it will help with the pain and the grief…" Mustang explained softly as he sunk down into the sofa beside the still quivering teenager. "It'll also help you sleep through the night."

Just the thought of having the unbearable feelings lifted off of his sub-consciousness, even for just a moment, seemed to be all Edward needed before he willingly took the bottle out of his superior's hand.

As Roy watched that bottle rise to the blonde's lips, he just couldn't help but sigh with relief. At least the boy would be able to rest well tonight, even if it was just for a short while. Though, he snickered inside, the boy would, no doubt, have one of the worst hangovers ever. Red wine tended to do that to that to him at least.

The confused and weary look that crossed the blonde's face after his first taste – something Mustang had internally laughed about, was soon overtaken by the all too familiar signs. No one was really normal while they were drunk, but as Roy had quickly learned, Edward's behavior had become quite strange and unpredictable, so much so that he couldn't quite figure out how to react around this new Edward Elric.

Mainly because his voice had groan slightly higher pitched, almost feminine, as he chattered away about things that really did not make a lot of since to the Brigadier General's ears. Roy held his own bottle and sipped at it lightly, because one of them needed to be at least a little bit sober, otherwise his house would no doubt be left in shambles.

"H-hey, where are you going?" Ed hiccupped as he took another large gulp, his cheeks and eyes slightly red from both intoxication and dried tears.

He vaguely heard the refrigerator close before Roy's voice called out from inside the kitchen. "I'm putting my wine back in the fridge."

"Why?"

He rolled his dark eyes. "Do I really need to explain myself to you, Fullmetal?" He asked as he made his way back into the living room and plopped down into his armchair, his eyes narrowing as he looked over the drunk blonde who was slouched against the cushions. The golden eyes were slightly pink, his gaze hazy and uneven. "Maybe you shouldn't drink anymore…"

Ed's lips twisted into a sad pout and he held the bottle up so he could see how much was left. Not even half. More like a quarter of a bottle. It was no wonder really that the kid was so out of it. "There isn't much left though…"

"That's even more reason for you to stop. Fullmetal, you'll end up with the world's worst hangover if you don't cork that bottle."

But Ed seemed to have other ideas and before Roy could say anything more, he had lifted the bottle back up to his lips and Mustang just gawked as the rest of that wine disappeared down the hatch. Just great. The kid was going to be uncontrollable.

The blonde giggled, his voice so abnormally high and bouncy as he waved the empty bottle around. "See, nothing left now…"

"Fullmetal, please don't blame me if you end up killing over tomorrow, because I'm not taking up the blame." Roy groaned as he propped himself up in the chair and lifted the leg rest up. That kid was just fucking crazy, but he knew better than to even try to leave the kid alone while he was this badly drunk. He didn't even want to think about what Edward could do to his house…or to himself.

So he relaxed and closed his eyes. Sleeping here in the chair wouldn't be that bad. At least he could keep an eye on the boy. Yeah, that would work.

Only his eyes had only been closed for a moment, before he suddenly felt an agonizingly painful pressure as a large weight dropped itself onto his stomach, knocking the breath out of his lungs. Edward had a wide, drunken grin on his lips as he situated himself into a more comfortable position, his legs straddling his superior's waste.

"Fullmetal…" He wheezed. "What in the hell are you doing? Get off…"

The boy just smiled as he stayed seated, and Roy watched in disbelief as the blonde's small fingers came to rest on his own lips. Surely this kid…

His disbelief was soon replaced with alarm when the teenager's soft lips met his and all the Brigadier General could do was lay there beneath the boy, pinned to his own chair, in his own house and living room, and unable to even move an inch to stop this. What else could possibly go crazy?

The answer was unbelievable…

The touch of those lips to his own, and the feeling of Ed's weight on his pelvis, was enough to spark a reaction from the Flame's neither regions, and Roy felt himself grow hard, unbearably so.

"Mustang…" Edward hummed against his lips, his fingers digging deeply into the man's darker locks as the teenager loomed above. And as the boy pulled away, those golden eyes full of drunken desire, Roy finally realized that something wasn't quite right with this picture. His eyes immediately lowered from the blonde's heated face and down on to the boy's pants, or more precisely onto the boy's leather covered crotch.

What bothered Roy Mustang the most was not just the actions that Edward was performing, but the fact that he couldn't feel, nor see a bulge in those leather pants, and with Ed's close proximity, the blonde should have been turned on. So why wasn't he?

He could literally feel as Ed's body convulsed with pleasure when he lightly touched the blonde's crotch. The blonde's legs squeezing against his own body, as the teenager's blissful and drunken gaze drifted down to that hand.

And then as if a sudden light bulb had gone off, the blonde's eyes grew massive and Edward tried to scurry off of his superior's lap, his mind suddenly clear and sober, but Roy's grasp on his wrist prevented his escape. With a grip so strong and unbreakable, he managed to flip their positions so that Edward was pinned beneath his own weight, and locked the blonde in place.

"Get the f-fuck off!" Ed shouted and screamed, his words surprisingly strong as he struggled against his superior's hold.

"Silence!" Mustang ordered and he was met with the angriest, defiant glare he had ever seen on the teenager's face, but he also couldn't help but notice the look of dread that lingered in those golden depths as well. "What is the meaning of this?" He questioned angrily as he gestured down to the blonde's crotch.

The blonde snorted with distaste. "Meaning of w-what?"

"Don't play games with me, Fullmetal. You know exactly what I mean. Either something happened and you ended up having to have your balls and cock removed, or you've been lying this entire time about being male. Which is it?"

When Edward didn't answer, Mustang grasped the blonde's chin and forced him to look into his eyes. "Either you start talking or I'm going to practically rip these clothes off of you so I can find out for myself."

"You can't do that." He sneered with a smirk. Though the effect of that sneer was lost due to the way his words slurred together due to the effects of the alcohol. That look still managed to make Roy's blood boil hotter than ever as he fought to control his temper. "That would be sexual harassment."

Mustang just smirked. "Wanna bet, kid? You were the one that was practically humping me a moment ago. I could say that you were the one that brought it on. Who would they believe? A horny teenager or a man that knows how to keep his pants on?"

Ed stayed silent as he bit his lip. Mustang wasn't leaving him a lot of choice…not after what he had just done. Sure he was drunk and his mind hadn't exactly been functioning correctly. It still wasn't really, but what could he say? He couldn't just deny it, and so with a worried sigh, Ed's fighting ceased, much to the elder man's surprise, and the blonde slowly looked up at his ex-commanding officer, his eyes gleaming with a strong defying look of determination.

He was terrified, relentlessly so, but there really was no going back now.

"…Fine, I'll tell you what happened, but you can't tell anyone…"

**Well that's chapter 1 of the new version and I have to say that I like this chapter better than the original. I brought more of Al and Winry into it and I think Al's death and funeral have a bit more an impact, at least in my opinion. Things are mostly the same plot wise but it's a whole new take and more detail, and yet Roy's still finding out the hard way. Lol Yet he doesn't know that Edward's really a girl yet at the moment…or well, is a girl now. X3 He's got his suspicions though since Ed seems to be missing his 'junk' down there. Lol btw, this is still going to be RoyRiza at first so Roy's going to be standoffish and despite the touchy touchy here, there probably won't be any more of this for a while. **


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter is very different from the original – A certain someone has already been brought into the story, but nothing bad will happen just yet. There's a few hints here and there about Roy and Riza's relationship toward this certain someone, but nothing too revealing, and oh, yeah, Ed's past is revealed again. There is more to this chapter than the other, and I think it moves the plot along nicely, better than before. I think I'm also getting better with these. **

**For those that are reading, please check out the original, someone has taken up the offer to continue the original plot. Check out my profile for a link. **

**Oh, I reworked just a tad of the first chapter, like the last couple of paragraphs, didn't really rewrite it, I just fixed a few things that were nagging at me.**

**Warning! This chapter has some slightly mature content, nothing too explicit as it's not really what I call sexual, but this is an M-rated fic, so pay attention…please… :( **

Chapter 2

"…_Fine, I'll tell you what happened, but you can't tell anyone…"_

Roy Mustang was seated once again in his armchair, his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed as he watched the blonde fidget in his own seat, which happened to be the leather couch that Ed had previously been sitting on. "Well? I'm waiting."

The teenager nodded his eyes half lidded as he placed his hands in his lap and slowly began to tell the tale of his newest secret. As he spoke, Ed found himself being drawn back into the past as those memories reawakened before his very eyes.

"_Brother, I still can't believe that we did it." Al chimed happily as he stepped slowly into the house. He was weak as to be expected. He had just gotten his body back and with his frame so frail and unstable, he had to have help just to walk. Edward just smiled as he helped his little and __smaller__ brother over to the couch. He couldn't help but muse over the fact that he was actually taller than Al for once in his life._

"_I know. It's hard to believe." Ed agreed as he helped him sit down. "How are you holding up?"_

"_I'll be fine, Brother. I just have to get my strength back. That's all." Al's large brown eyes grew worried when he noticed his brother turn and wander off. "Is something wrong?"_

_The elder just laughed as he waved Al off. "Nothing to be concerned about, Al. I just have to piss. I'll be out in just a second."_

"_Okay." He heard his brother answer before he clicked the door shut and stepped over to the toilet and sink, his face paling as he placed his hand on his still muscular stomach. Something just felt off. Not entirely physically, but mentally. Something in his sub-consciousness just felt wrong._

_Something wasn't right. _

_He had noticed the odd feeling right after he had returned from the gate with his brother, but he hadn't voiced his concerns because he hadn't wanted to worry anyone. Now that he was alone, he could properly take inventory. Surely that bastard of a gate couldn't have taken something else…not after it had told him that he had finally won._

_Surely not, Al had his body back and was physically intact. He was here and he was whole. He was safe._

_He didn't even have his alchemy anymore. Wasn't that his price? He had given it up in exchange for Al's life, but surely the gate hadn't…_

_Unfortunately, his wasn't able to truly ponder over that thought as he realized that he really had to go and that coming in here hadn't been just an excuse…not anymore. This could wait until after he relieved himself._

_So with a frown, he slid his pants and boxers down, allowing them to fall down around his ankles, before moving his hands down to his abdomen and lower as he usually would have done, only this time, his fingers came to touch nothing but flat, firm skin. _

_No cock. _

_No balls _

_No nothing…_

_They were all missing._

_And yet he still felt as if he had to pee, so how? Oh, right…_

_Girls did it some how and they never had those parts to begin with, but he wasn't a girl. _

_He wasn't female so he didn't have those parts…_

_Tears trickled down his cheeks and Ed allowed his fingers to go lower and between his legs, searching for a part of him that shouldn't have been there – should never have been there. And much to his horror, Edward felt his eyes grow wide and his hands start to tremble as the tips of his fingers lightly touched something new. Something he never would have dreamed of having._

_A slit between his legs_

_And he fully realized what that gate had done. It hadn't just taken his alchemy, but his manhood as well, a part of him so precious and irreplaceable, and it was now lost forever. _

_With a depressive sigh, Ed pulled his weary hand back as he sat down on the toilet, making sure that the toilet seat was down beforehand. He didn't fashion falling in. He then put his head into his hands and released a bit of a sob, which left him trembling, and without much of a choice or a thought on what he was actually doing, Ed's body finally let go and released into the toilet. It was surprisingly easy and natural, despite the fact that he had never peed while sitting down before. _

_Even though this had been relatively easy, he had a feeling that getting use to this female body would be harder than anything he had ever been through, and that included the automail surgery and procedure._

_Once he was finished and he had cleaned up and pulled his boxers and pants back on, Edward stepped over by the sink to wash his hands and face. After a quick rinse, he turned the water off and dried his hands on the towel rack. Then, with much courage, he finally persuaded himself into looking up at his reflection in the mirror. _

_What he found there was horrifyingly different and strange, so much so that it took all of his willpower just to remain standing there and not run away from reality._

_The person in that mirror did not look like himself. Did not look like Edward Elric, no his eyes had grown slightly more feminine, his nose and mouth smaller and fuller. The red coat he wore had hid any signs of change from unsuspecting eyes, but for someone that knew where to look, they really weren't that hard to spot, even with the coat on. Beneath that heavy red coat, his shirt had been ripped, revealing scared skin, metal rivets and screws that had been left behind by the automail. Winry would have to remove the left over mechanical parts, something he wasn't looking forward too – not to mention, he would have to confront the girl about this new change and somehow, Edward had a feeling that things would not turn out well. _

_Then there were also those foreign mounds of flesh that sat on his chest. They weren't overly large, but they weren't exactly small either. His fingers brushed across the dark fabric that covered his right breast and with a weary touch, he gently cupped the flesh, squeezing lightly in puzzlement as he pondered over the strange new additions to his normally male frame. _

_Though he supposed that he couldn't rightfully call himself male any longer, at least not physically, but mentally, he was still the same Edward Elric he had always been. He was still the hot headed young boy that he had grown up as, and that would never change. No matter his gender._

"_Brother? Are you alright? You've been in there for a while." Al's voice suddenly called from the other room and Ed nearly jumped through the ceiling._

"_Yeah, I'm fine!" He called as he wiped at his tear stained face. He couldn't let Al see him like this. "I'll be out in just a minute."_

"_Alright…" _

_It wasn't but a few seconds later that the older Elric finally emerged from the bathroom with a forced smile. His coat pulled tightly closed, hiding everything from his younger brother's sight. _

_He would have to tell Al soon._

_And he did, he had told Alphonse everything, and Al's reaction had been what he had expected. But he had been reasonable and supportive, and so they had taken to hiding that new found secret from everyone, because Edward had been unwillingly to allow anyone else to know, but themselves. _

_Binding had become second nature and despite the immense pain, the relief that the wraps kept his secret hidden, even from Winry when she had worked on his automail, was more than enough. _

Edward wasn't sure how much he had really told Mustang, but he had left out bits and pieces of the more embarrassing bits. Yet, despite the fact that he hadn't told the older man everything, Roy seemed to be pleased with what he had been given.

It was about twelve after one. Roy sat alone in his study upstairs, his glasses held limply between his fingers as he stared down at the desk before him. Edward had long since gone to sleep or he least that's what Roy had figured. His exhaustion and the alcohol must have finally won out in the end, as Roy hadn't heard so much as a peep come from behind that door, after he had left the kid to his down devices. It had worried him at first, his concern and worry for the boy nagging him into wanting to check in on Edward, but after having peeked into the room a mere twelve minutes later, he had found the boy sound asleep, those blankets pulled up over the boy's small shoulder. Roy had sighed with relief.

He couldn't help but ponder over the story Ed had told him. While it wasn't incredibly detailed, Mustang couldn't help but wonder about how the boy was even coping with such a transformation. Just the idea of being in a female body for a day was disgruntling, so how could this teenager have dealt with it for all these months?

"_Alphonse said that he had wanted to fix me…"_

When he had asked about Ed's answer, Ed had simply told him no, and they had left it at that. Apparently the blonde was unwilling to risk someone else trying to help him, so he had refused it all together, not that Mustang was really considering Human Transmutation anyway.

He had learned his lesson when he had been forced into becoming that fifth human sacrifice. And after having witnessed the gate for himself and having suffered due to his own sudden loss of vision, Roy had little desire to even consider it. But even still, Fullmetal must be miserable.

It must be unbearable.

He couldn't imagine having to live out his life in a body that he had never been born with, and for that, Roy felt miserable just thinking about the misery that boy must have been facing every single day.

….

Ed looked exasperated. "Why would I wreck your house?"

"Because I don't trust you, Fullmetal…" Mustang grumbled, partially sarcastic, as he served breakfast. "Are you sure you don't want anything before we leave?"

"No, I don't." Ed grumbled as his golden eyes glowered up at Roy with a clearly un-amused glower. "Like I care if you trust me or not, you neat-freak." Mustang just smirked at the blonde's comeback as he sat down at the table across from the teen, his plate of eggs and bacon before him. Despite the fact that the teen was miserable due to the raging hangover and unable to stomach his first meal, Mustang couldn't help but smile to himself. If Fullmetal was well enough to make those snide remarks, then he was doing miraculously well. He was coping, which was a good thing.

"Regardless, you are coming along with me to the office. I can't keep a decent eye on you if you aren't with me, now can I?"

Edward shrugged as he stuck his nose up at that comment, and turned away from Mustang's breakfast. He had already vomited twice that morning. He didn't exactly want to have another kneeling cession in front of that porcelain throne if he could help it, but if he had to watch the Brigadier General eat for a second longer, he just might.

"Like I need someone to watch over me, Bastard. I'm more than old enough to be on my own…"

"Maybe so, but we all know that you are fully capable of doing something stupid, and with the circumstances, no one wants to chance it." Roy pointed out and the blonde gave him an infuriating glower.

"I'm not suicidal…"

"Don't give me that, Fullmetal. You were just talking about ending your life just last night. Do you honestly expect me to believe that you've changed your mind this soon? I sincerely doubt that." Ed watched him take another bite of his egg, the boy's face paling slightly as those golden eyes swiveled back to the side. Mustang wasn't leaving him a lot of room to argue. "Are you alright?"

"Just shut up. I'll go but don't you fucking dare try to tell me what to do."

Mustang just smirked as he took a sip from his coffee.

When he stepped into the office an hour later, Riza Hawkeye stood by his desk, a stack of papers in her arms. "How's Edward?" She asked, looking behind him as if she expected to see the teen.

"Physically, he's not too good. He had a headache this morning and a bad case of a hangover." He grinned sheepishly when the woman's brows furrowed. He knew how she felt about his drinking habits. "But mentally…he's a wreck. You should have seen him last night, Riza." He informed her with a sad sigh, as he sat down at his desk.

"I've never seen him so depressed?"

"Is it wise to leave him unattended?" She asked with concern. "What if..?"

"He's in the restroom, no doubt due to the hangover. The car ride wasn't so great on his stomach." He reassured her, but she didn't look convinced, the worry in her eyes brewing. "I told Fury to stand guard until Fullmetal was done. He'll bring the Ed in here once he's finished."

"Fury's not the most outgoing individual, Roy." Riza replied as he took the papers from her outstretched hands. "He's so mellow and easy going. I just hope you know what you are doing by leaving Fullmetal in his care. This could backfire in so many ways."

"Don't worry. Fury's more than capable." He said as he started working on his own paperwork, all the while hoping that he wouldn't be wrong. "Besides, it's just for a few minutes. I'll be watching the kid most of the time. Don't worry about it. I've got it all under control."

Or so he hoped.

…

It wasn't but a few minutes later, that Fury arrived with Edward Elric on toe. The boy's face was slightly pale, but thankfully it seemed that the majority of the hangover had long since blown over. Now the teen was just grumpy and irritated as he waltzed over to the couch in Mustang's new office.

Mustang was going to say something in response to the boy's attitude, but his attention was diverted elsewhere, as a red headed officer, a sergeant from the looks of his uniform, stood in the doorway; his thin wireframe glasses perched on the end of his nose as he saluted to his superiors.

"Brigadier General, you've been called into a meeting, Sir."

With a quick dismissal to young officer that had reported in, and a few orders to Hawkeye and the others, whom had turned their attention to the agitated blonde, Roy Mustang departed from his office and made his way down to the head office, and he was greeted by the Fuehrer himself.

Grumman sat at his desk, his hands collapsed together as he pushed a document toward Roy. "Brigadier General, as much as I'd like to sit and chat. I unfortunately have to get straight to business. There isn't a lot of time for small talk." He cleared his old throat, his tired eyes becoming very serious.

"We have a few officers that will be transferred over tomorrow. I think you'll recognize one name in particular."

Mustang skimmed the first page of the file, looking over the list of names and ranks. It didn't take long before his eyes fixed on one particular name, and Roy felt his blood boil with rage.

"Archer…" His voice practically rumbled as he rested his head into the palm of his hand, his glowering dark ebony shaded eyes refusing to move from the new Colonel's name.

"What a time for him to come back…"

…

"What did the Fuehrer have to say?" Hawkeye asked after he had returned to his office, and Roy was slightly relieved that they were the only current inhabitants. These others were out and about with assignments and errands, some to lunch and elsewhere. Fullmetal had been dragged off to the mess hall by Fury and Breda, so even he wasn't present, Mustang was thankful; for they finally had a moment of peace so they could talk before they both had to resume work.

"Apparently he said something about there being new transferees, including a certain _person_."

Riza sighed worriedly. "I heard, but maybe he's changed. We won't know until he's arrived."

"Somehow I seriously doubt that." Roy grumbled doubtfully as his stormy dark eyes followed her cross the room, as she stepped over to the door, her own amber eyes downcast and thoughtful. "That man and a change for the better just don't ring right together. I'd rather trust a homunculus…"

Riza knew better than anyone what Archer could be like, and with the history between the three of them, she knew that the chances of Archer changing for a life of good, were slim to none, but Riza couldn't help but want to give the man a second chance.

What if he had become a better man? It wouldn't be right if they didn't at least offer him a chance at redeeming himself. It wouldn't be fair.

Yet she couldn't stop herself from remembering the pain and the guilt. Things could get very bad, very easily with that _man_ around. She'd have to be by Mustang's side, more so than ever. But there was no use worrying over it until it was necessary.

Archer would be in Central tomorrow morning. That gave them both time to get ready and prepare for his arrival, and for his ever scheming mind. "Let's just get back to work, Brigadier General. We'll worry about him when the time comes, Sir…" Her fingertips ghosted around the brass knob, as she glanced back at her superior's retreating form as he made his way over to his desk. She still had someone to protect, someone that she needed to support and encourage. Archer wouldn't never change that…no matter how hard he tried, but there was also one other.

"…But for now, we should focus on our job, and on what's more important, because Edward is still suffering. With his inability to cope with depression, he will need someone he can lean on and talk to. If you are stressing out over Archer, all it will do is stress you both out further. You need to be strong for him, Roy…"

"Guess your right, Colonel. I guess there really is no point in worrying over something that I can't control. All we can do is wait and see."

And hope. Hope that things wouldn't turn out as badly as he feared, but they couldn't allow Archer ruin their lives either. He wouldn't allow for it…

Not after what had happened so long ago. He owed Riza that much, and she did have a point. He couldn't allow Archer to bring him down, not when he needed to be strong for not just her, but for Ed as well. Despite the blonde's bluster and arrogant attitude, Ed still needed someone to lean on, and he'd be there, but Mustang's agitated spirit was rearing for a fight, and if Archer tried anything this time, he would be ready for him.

He had too much to loose.

…

**-Fin for chapter 2 –**

**Yeah, Archer's returning, but this time, I hope the scenario makes a bit more sense, and yes, he's definitely getting involved again, but I'm not sure about the trio, I may just leave them out. I don't think that they are all that necessary for the plot. **

**PS: I'll continue writing on this story until the 26****th**** of next month and then I'll disappear for a long while. Not because I want to, but because I'm loosing my high speed and going to dial up. We've got very bad connections, so I probably won't be able to post any more chapters until after I get my high speed back. I'll try but there's no guarantee that will load, so the chances are slim, but who knows. But if I can't post until afterwards, then expect a lot of updates once we get high speed again, because I promise I'll continue to work on it, even if I can't update. x3**

**Oh! And woot for new German Shepherd Puppy! Diva is such a cutie! D She's already a ton though. Lol She'll be ten weeks this Sunday and her ears are up too! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, next chapter. Thank you for the reviews and I'm glad you guys are liking this version better than the original, because I know I am. Next chapter, I'm going off on a completely different tangent from the original. From here on out, the chapters won't follow the original story plan. Also, I have the ending figured out, and I'm so dying to write that, but that's going to be a long ways off. **

**And for those wondering over if Ed will get pregnant in this version like I had promised, yes he/she will. My story won't work without it, at least not very well, so you guys be ready for it. Sorry to those that might not like this idea but to each his own. At least this isn't a true Mpreg. Ed is female here so it's only natural that something like this might occur eventually.**

**I'm surprised that there are people out there that are actually waiting for it to happen. Lol so just be patient and wait. X3 It might not be too much longer, as it all depends on how soon I make them get together, but I can honestly say that I don't think it will occur for a couple of chapters though. It's just too soon to even be considering such a thing.**

**But who knows…**

**Chapter 3**

"_Riza!" _

_He pounded hard on her front door._

_No answer, not even single word._

"_Riza, please…" _

_She hadn't been at work for days._

"_Riza, please answer me…"_

_And then, as if to answer his pleas, a soft sound was suddenly heard from behind the wooden door, and with eyes full of hope and longing, he grasped the metal door knob, his heart hammering in his chest as it fought to break free, and he pulled. The door swung open, and he felt his own blood go stone cold. __He__ was standing above the blood covered couch, above __her__, as she screamed and wreathed beneath his touch._

_And that head swiveled his way, and his dark, angry eyes were met by cold sapphire._

He screamed violently as sat up in a rush of adrenaline, his sheets and sweat flying as his body heaved and trembled. His wide eyes sought out the scene he had just witnessed, wanting nothing more than to stop the other's man's horrid actions, to save her…to save…

But she wasn't there…neither one of them were there, and he found himself in his own house, inside his own bedroom, wearing his pajamas in his own bed.

"…M-Mustang?" A soft, weary voice called. Edward stood in the doorway, his tired golden eyes looking more brown than yellow due to simple exhaustion.

"F-Fullmetal…"

"You were yelling…"

He heaved a trembling sigh as he scooted back up against the headboard, trying to calm down his hammering heart. "Fullmetal, I'm sorry. Its memories…that's all."

"Ishbal?" The boy asked tiredly as he wiped as his sleep deprived eyes.

Roy blinked at the question before nodding hesitantly, not wanting to needlessly worry the teen with anything else, so he lied. Ed had enough on his plate as it was. Like Riza had said early that morning, the boy did not need to be laden with Roy problems on top of his own. He just couldn't do that to the kid.

"Yes…that's all it was. They still come back to haunt me…"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ed simply asked with a yawn, never moving from the doorframe.

"That's alright, Fullmetal. You need your sleep. Rest up, alright..?"

And without saying so much as a word, Ed just nodded and stumbled back into the hallway, leaving Mustang to his thoughts. He vaguely heard the sound of the guestroom's door being shut softly before the house was engulfed by silence once more.

Rolling over onto his side, his hand found its way to a wooden frame that lay facedown on the nightstand. He brought the picture close to his chest as his dark eyes closed wearily, for this was the only way he could hold her…protect her, because he would never be able to do so with the real thing.

…

The next morning was slow. Without a hangover to get in the way, Edward hadn't left a speck of food on his breakfast plate, but the same couldn't be said about Roy's. If the teen had noticed the man's lack of an appetite, he hadn't commented on it, so Roy's went about his business and got ready for work as he normally would have.

Only things would not be as normal as what they had first seemed.

When they arrived at Headquarters, the walk to his office felt longer than usual. Even Fullmetal had grown silent, his ever watchful eyes seemed to watch the elder alchemist's every move, and despite the look of concern that lingered on the boy's face, the kid knew better than to comment.

This didn't go unnoticed by the Flame.

"Is something wrong, Fullmetal?" Mustang asked as he cast a glance at the youth.

Ed blinked, but due to the undeniable stubborn streak that was Edward Elric, the blonde simply snorted, refusing to acknowledge his concern for his ex-superior as he looked elsewhere, his pert little nose up in the air as his yellow eyes glared daggers at some other unfortunate officer that just happened to be standing there.

Roy cocked a brow but said nothing more as they drew closer to his office. Fullmetal was Fullmetal, no matter what age, rank, or gender he/she was. Just because the blonde was female now, did not make Fullmetal any politer or less stubborn, he thought to himself with an irritated grumble.

How was he going to be able to support the kid when Fullmetal was too stubborn to admit that he needed it?

"Brigadier General, welcome back." It was Riza. She was standing by his office door with her dog beside her, the black head nearly reaching her thigh. Black Hayate was no longer a puppy. Being a year old, the dog had reached his full height. Those large ears stood high on his black and white face as those sharp dark eyes watched them curiously.

"How are things, Colonel Hawkeye?" He asked as she saluted them both. Even though Ed was no longer a member of the military, Riza still treated him with an air of respect. "Have the new transferees arrived?"

The sniper lowered her hand to her side. "Yes, sir, their train arrived at 5:00 this morning. The Fuehrer has called a meeting, probably as a way of greeting their arrival."

So they had to meet now and not later. It couldn't wait. The Fuehrer wasn't giving them any choice in the matter, though he supposed that this did make it easier.

"When is the meeting?"

"In just a few minutes, Sir, we should get going, or we'll be late." Riza replied, before looking past Roy. Neither she nor Mustang were willing to leave the teen alone just yet, and Ed knew that perfectly well, so he willingly took Hayate's leash from her outstretched hand.

Roy and Riza departed as well.

…

"I don't know why they insist on having someone watch over me."

Black Hayate lifted his head so he could watch the teen from the corner of his dark eyes. "I mean, it's not like I'm going to do something stupid like…"

He drifted off as he remembered the night of the funeral.

"_What's the big deal? Maybe I just want to join my brother. Have you even thought about that?"_

Mustang had been angry, so very angry, and that had surprised him really. He hadn't expected the man to even care.

"_I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again, Fullmetal. Do you hear me? I swear, if you even consider suicide…oh so help me, Edward."_

The thought of killing himself hadn't gone unnoticed. He had had ever chance to do so when the man wasn't around, especially at Mustang's house. The flame wasn't with him 24/7, even when they were in the same building. He could have done something, anything. There were plenty of tools. Razors, knives, etc, that he could have used, but no, Ed hadn't touched anything, hadn't even attempted a simple cut, and it wasn't because he was scared, no, he could have very easily have gone through with it, nor had he gotten over his depressive behavior.

No, Edward was still very much hurting and grieving over Al's death, but he was Edward Elric when it came down to things, and he still blamed himself entirely for Alphonse's death, because it was his fault, but he just didn't want people to see that weak side of him. Even Mustang hadn't seen him at his weakest.

Only Al had.

Alphonse had been there through everything. He had been there through his ups and downs, and even now, Ed still hoped that the brunette would stumble out of one of these doors, with that ever cheerful smile, but that was wishful thinking. He had seen the funeral. He had seen his passing. Alphonse was dead and he was never coming back.

And he knew that if he had ever truly tried to end his life, that Al wouldn't have been happy. He would have been disappointed and upset, angry even. Mustang had brought up that as well, and that had left him at a loss and unsure of what to do with his life.

But it wasn't all Al that had kept him from ending his pathetic life. He had been ready to just end it that night, and he had come close, but _he_ had come, and he had shaken away those suicidal thoughts, but he had left something else in their wake.

He had always hated Mustang to some extent, despised his attitude, and ever cunning mind, but he had also respected the elder alchemist. Roy Mustang had kept their secrets and had done everything in his power to insure that they had been safe and sound, that they had always been stocked with assignments and missions that had at least something to do with the philosopher's stone.

And after Al's body had been retrieved, and Ed had found himself lost in an unfamiliar female body, Edward had noticed that his emotions toward his commanding officer had also changed. Wither it was the female hormones or his own, Ed had found himself growing attracted toward the flame and that had scared him.

By all means, he was male, not female. He shouldn't have those emotions toward Mustang of all people, but it seemed that his body thought otherwise. And so he had fled, leaving the man and the military behind with his resignation, all because he had been too afraid and too ashamed to face the Colonel…too face his feelings…

A sudden low growl erupted from Black Hayate's throat, and Ed snapped his head up, his golden eyes growing wide with surprise as an unfamiliar man approached. Who ever it was, the dog didn't like him one bit, so it made Edward feel uneasy and unsure. Black Hayate was always friendly toward everyone one, including people he didn't know, but this man...

Black Hayate had obviously met this man once before, and judging from the dog's stance, Edward had a feeling that their meeting hadn't been friendly. That alone was enough to make the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.

As the man drew nearer, those hard blue eyes came to land on Fullmetal and the large dog beside him, and Ed felt his blood freeze over. Something unfamiliar and haunting lingered in those sapphire blue orbs; something other than that ice cold look of intimidation and hatred, something dangerous, and Ed wanted nothing more than to get out of this man's gaze.

Unfortunately, the man's steps came to a halt as his hard glare moved from Fullmetal's face and down to the dog by Ed's side. Black Hayate's shackles began to rise as the dog's teeth bared themselves, and the low, threatening growl rumbled louder. Yet despite the dog's angry leer, the man made no heed to step back or go around them.

And as if to save man, boy, and dog from an inevitable showdown, Fury just so happened to step out of the office that he, Hawkeye, and Breda still shared, and he all but froze when he laid eyes on the trio.

"Lieutenant Colonel Archer, what are you doing here?" The younger asked in surprise, his voice wavering slightly.

Archer turned to the newcomer, his cold glare, making the smaller man flinch. "It's Colonel Archer, Officer." He corrected with a stern unforgiving tone. "You should always salute your superiors when they address you, or have you forgotten that?"

Fury immediately snapped to attention, his large eyes wide as he apologized with gusto. The smaller man's antics only served to fuel the colonel's amusement. "Regardless. I was transferred here along with a few other officers." Archer explained dully as he turned his gaze back toward Fullmetal. "By the way, who are you, kid? I know I've seen you around before. Right out of boot camp no doubt?" He asked Ed with a tone of indifference.

"He was actually a state alchemist before he retired," Fury cut in when the blonde remained silent. "I'm sure you've heard of the Fullmetal Alchemist."

Archer studied the teen for a moment before frowning. "The twelve year old protégé, I remember, but it's hard to believe that such a small kid could have possibly stood up against those terrorists, amazing feat really for one so young."

"What of it?" Ed growled, untrustingly and angry despite the fact that the man was basically praising him, though it was partially due to the 'small' comment, but also because Black Hayate was still on edge.

Archer's lips curved up into a smirk. "Quite the attitude you've got there, brat, but maybe I should wash that mouth of yours out with soap. You shouldn't talk that way to a person of higher power."

"Why should I care? I've never followed protocol. You can ask Mustang for all I care and he'll tell you how obedient and respectful I am."

"Mustang?" Archer's voice was thick with an indescribable emotion. His voice was laced with something more than hate and disgust, and Ed suddenly wished that he hadn't brought his ex-superior up.

Apparently something had gone on between these two men, _possibly with Riza as well_, thought Ed as he remembered Black Hayate's actions. "I suppose it makes since. He's always had a thing for blondes. I wouldn't be surprised if you two haven't already fucked."

Ed's mouth gaped with disbelief. "Wha-!"

He had heard those rumors as well, as sickening as they were, they hadn't gone unnoticed. Supposedly a large base of people, military and otherwise had conjured up the sick idea that he had only gotten into the military by kneeling before his superiors, performing sexual demonstrations, and prostituting himself, as a child of that age should never have been able to compete with the alchemists around him, but it wasn't true. He and Mustang had never had anything further between them. It had all been professional.

Surely this man couldn't have believed…

And good old Fury suddenly stepped in and got between Archer and himself, his hands visibly trembling as he stood his ground against the bullheaded man. "Brigadier General Mustang would never have reduced himself to such filth. Preying on a child is beyond him. He's not a pedophile, Colonel. You should know that better than anyone."

"We'll see." Archer sneered, not sounding the least bit threatened by Fury's words. "If I weren't so constricted on time, I might have stuck around a bit longer, but due to the time and place, I really can't afford to prolong my leave," he said smoothly as he side stepped around them and strutted off down the hall, "I'll see you some other time, Fullmetal. Who knows, if you are anything like your superior, we might be able to have some fun."

Ed scowled in his wake as the man's smugness departed down the hall, "What a jerk," he grumbled as Fury led him into the office, completely oblivious to the elder man's worried look. "Who does he think his is?"

"Ed, you should stay away from, Archer." Fury said as closed the door to Hawkeye's office.

"He's not someone you want angry either." Breda said from behind them, the man keeping his distance due to Black Hayate's presence. Ed grumpily took a seat on one of the leather couches that he'd grown so use to as a teenager. "I've heard from Mustang what this man is capable of. Don't allow yourself to fall victim to his games. You'll regret it if you do."

"What's with that bastard?"

"Brigadier General Mustang was ten times the Colonel that this man is." Fury said softly, not wanting to speak too loudly. The risk of insubordination was still high and if they were caught bad mouthing a superior, even if said superior was an ass, they could still be court-martialed.

"We can't say much, Ed, but please, just stay away from him…"

…

"Colonel Archer, you are late." The Fuehrer chastised as the younger man closed the conference room's door. "That is disorderly behavior. Surely someone of your rank knows better."

"My apologies, Sir..." The Archer said with a bow before he made his way over to the table when the Fuehrer bit him permission to do so. "But, I ran into trouble in the halls."

The elderly man's brow rose slightly as he rested his chin on his hands, those tired, old eyes narrowed behind those thick round frames as he surveyed the disruptor. Archer's short black hair was combed and slicked back, his uniform crisp and overly starched, and his face held that look of fierce concentration and indifference. And yet as the meeting went on, Fuehrer Grumman couldn't help but notice one thing.

Even though Archer had remained completely oblivious to the fact that his actions were being caught by the head chief, he had been sneaking peaks back toward one individual, and said individual was very much aware of the fact that he was being watched by the new arrival.

Archer's gaze was fixed on Brigadier General Roy Mustang, and both men were glowering at each other in a heated match of blue and ebony every time their eyes would meet. It was only the elderly Fuehrer's firm voice that could have possibly broken their stare down. But the old man didn't say anything.

And as the meeting continued, neither Mustang, nor Archer could keep their eyes away from each other, and even then, Roy Mustang couldn't help but notice the casual glances that Archer was sending Riza. He knew the sniper was full aware of them as well, even if she acted as if she hadn't seen a thing. She wasn't the Hawk for nothing.

When the meeting came to an end, and they had all greeted and introduced themselves to the new transfers, Mustang and Hawkeye had cornered Archer in the hallway, preventing the Colonel from going on his way.

"It's a pleasure to see you both again, Roy…Riza…" He said softly, easily, but that smile didn't meet his cold blue eyes. The way he said her name alone was enough to make Roy's blood boil. It had been forced, as if the very idea of even spouting her name from his lips had disgusted him, and for that, Roy wanted to punch him in the face. It seemed that the feud between them was still very much alive, and as much as they had wanted it to be over, and to give the man a second chance, it seemed it was for naught.

Archer wasn't any different. He was the same cold hearted man that he had always been and for that reason alone, Mustang couldn't find it in him to give this man another chance.

"I don't know the real reason for why they let you return to Central." He threatened lowly, so that no one else but the three of them could overhear, "But I swear if you even attempt-."

"Cool it, Roy…I wouldn't dream of it, and even still…" Archer cut him off with a curt nod, before he drifted off as he glanced over at the other officers that were still departing, wondering and possibly hoping that their little spat would be noticed by the other higher ups, but no such luck. "Saying such things could get you in trouble. I have friends in high places now, so don't do anything that might get both you and Hawk, here, in trouble. I wouldn't want that."

Mustang's jaw tightened as he felt his teeth bite down into his lip. He was on first name bases with the Fuehrer, as was Hawkeye, but Archer didn't know that. But still, if the new colonel knew a few of the higher ups…

"You really should be on your way, Colonel." Riza suddenly suggested as she held her papers to her bosom, those amber eyes as serious and calm as they possibly could be. "We don't want any trouble. We are willing to give you a second chance, but only if you are willing."

He simply shrugged nonchalantly, a smirk on his lips as he stepped away from the wall, forcing them to take a step back and out of his way. "I'd like that, Hawk, but somehow, I doubt that Roy here is willing. He seems more ready to torch me than forgive me, so to each his own I suppose, but I can assure you both, if you even attempted such a feat, than you would be risking not just a jail time, but also a death sentence, or don't you remember what happened when Ross was convicted for murdering Brigadier General Hughes? But may I suggest that you ask your little boyfriend next time before you spout such things, okay? It'll make it easier if you are both on the same wave length."

And with those words, Roy really wanted to pull out his gloves and do as Archer had just said. How dare he speak to her like that, but Riza's hand on his kept him from doing so. They both shared an unreadable look before he sighed in defeat and retracted that hand, leaving the alchemic glove behind.

"Whatever, Archer, but just rest assured that I'll be ready for you this time, should you do anything to disrupt the lives of those I care about." With a reassuring look to Riza, he turned and stalked off down the hallway, his hands at his side, his smoldering eyes focused straight ahead, refusing to look back, for if he did, he knew that nothing in this world could possibly stop him from burning that obnoxious smirk away.

Riza was the only person out there that could have prevented such a thing.

…

When he returned to the office, Edward was soon brought back as well, and both were silent and uneasy. Roy's attention was focused for once on his paperwork, leaving him oblivious to the blonde's watchful eyes.

"_I suppose it makes since. He's always had a thing for blondes."_

Ed couldn't keep his mind from wandering back to his meeting with the strange Colonel, nor could he stop his mind from pondering over those words. Could Archer have been right?

He shook his head miserably as he lowered his eyes to his hands that were currently resting on his lap. No, that wasn't possible. He had never seen any kind of desire or attraction in Mustang's eyes, not even during that night after Al's funeral. Even though the Brigadier General had been turned on, the look on his face had been neutral and disbelieving, like the very idea of what Ed had been doing was inconceivable.

He'd also seen the looks between Roy and Riza, knew that there had been something between them, even if they weren't still together.

So he probably never had a chance, but who was he kidding. Roy Mustang still probably considered him to be male, even though he was in a female body, and really, he was still male. His heart and mind were still very much that of a young male teen. His gender could never change that fact.

He sighed sadly, feeling down about the whole thing. With his body being female, he'd never be able to live his life the way he had wanted. It was hopeless. He couldn't just pretend to be male still, not when the girl would eventually figure it out, and then he'd be dumped for sure. Women generally didn't go for other women, so what was the hope in that.

Sure he could live out his life as woman by falling in love with a man and then getting married eventually, having kids, but that wasn't his dream. He wasn't supposed to female so why should he have ever considered such a thing.

But there was still Winry. Though his feelings for her had still remained, Ed just couldn't find it in himself to tell her, to trust her with the truth, even after all these years. He was terrified and worried over the very thought of her rejection, but how could he blame her.

"Fullmetal, is something wrong?" Mustang's worried ebony eyes were watching him with concern. "You look down. Are you thinking about Al?"

Ed shook his head as he lowered his gaze, a faint blush on his cheeks as Archer's words rang through his head once more.

And then he suddenly felt horrible. All this pondering over Mustang, and he hadn't thought of Al at all since the day before. He'd just died. That wasn't right. The very idea was disturbing, and Ed wanted to slap himself for the very idea of it. He should have been mourning over his brother, not thinking about all this shit, but despite his self berating, Edward just couldn't stop his mind from wandering away from his brother and back to the Colonel's words. Damn it, he was a horrible brother.

"Fullmetal, its okay to grieve," Roy suggested, his mind still insistent on the idea that Ed was upset over Al. "Just remember what I told you a few days ago."

"I, I'm okay, I just have a lot on my mind, that's all, but I know…I know…" He sighed as he looked away from the man's concern filled eyes. Then a thought occurred to him, maybe he shouldn't ask, but it was hard not to. "Mustang, do you know someone named Archer?"

"Why would you know that name?" was all that was asked.

"Ran into him out in the hall a few hours ago…" Ed said lowly, gesturing back behind him with his thumb, and the flame's expression grew darker. "Real selfcentered jerk…but he seemed to know you…"

The intense stormy look that Ed received had him regretting his decision. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. "So you were the one he encountered…" Mustang said thoughtfully. "And…yes, we go way back, but please, Fullmetal, just stay away from him. Don't get involved. That's all I ask."

"That's what Breda and Fury said…" The blonde muttered. "What happened between you two?"

"They had a point, but I wouldn't concern your self over it. All of that occurred years ago. It's hardly something that needs to be dredged back up again. Just let it go and please just don't get involved with him, Edward." Mustang said again so sternly that Ed was unable to find a means to question him further.

Deeming the conversation over, the Flame returned his attention back to his papers, but despite his desire to work, a means to take his mind off of his current predicament, Mustang was unable to find focus, unable to concentrate on reading a single word of text. But he didn't speak further. He wouldn't get Fullmetal involved if he could help it.

Ed remained silent as well, his golden eyes slightly wide with disbelief. He'd never seen the man so upset, unreasonable even and unwilling to talk. Mustang had always hidden his grief and worry behind a thick mask, but now, it seemed that his rage toward Archer was too powerful…too overwhelming to hold back. Ed wanted to know more, but he wasn't stupid. He knew better than to meddle.

But that wouldn't stop him from trying to find out on his own.

When they returned to Mustang's home a few hours later, an uncomfortable silence still hovered between them, but Ed dared not say a word to question the man's loathing attitude toward Colonel Archer. The man had been an asshole, and he had made Ed uneasy, but so had many officers, Mustang included when he had first met him, so really, what could have gone on between the Colonel, Hawkeye and Mustang?

That question would have to wait it seemed, as they still had some unfinished business to attend to. Winry and Pinako would be leaving to go back to Risembool later today. Without Al to care for, they really didn't have a reason to stay, and Ed was safely under Mustang's own wing, so they weren't really needed anymore.

As much as Ed would have liked to have prolonged their meeting, he also knew that he would have to tell Winry eventually and now was as good a time as any.

When he came back downstairs an hour or so later, his hair pulled back into a high ponytail, Ed found Mustang by the door, staring at his wrist watch. "Well, we better get going, the train leaves in ten minutes."

At the train station, Pinako Rockbell had boarded already along with their luggage, but Winry had chosen to wait and pray that Edward would see her off, and when he had arrived, Mustang having waited outside in the car; Winry's crystal blue eyes had burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry about Al…" she cried sadly as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and Ed just returned the hug hesitantly, the pain and guilt from earlier still lingered in the back of his mind. "I wish you would return with us." She said as she burrowed her face into his hair, and he suppressed a shudder. "You'd have plenty of space and time to grieve. No one would force you to get over him as quickly as they would here. They would give you time to recuperate and time to plan. You'd have Granny and me, so won't you come back with us, please…?"

"I can't, Winry…not yet…" He replied as he pulled away, his eyes refusing to look up at her. "It's not that I don't want to be around you, but I just…I just can't go back yet. It'll bring back too many memories. I'm just not ready to face them yet. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it's…it's just too painful."

She seemed visibly upset with his decision but with a sad sigh, Winry forced a cheerful smile onto her sad face. "I understand, but when you are ready, feel free to call me up before you arrive. I'll meet you at the train station and I'll even check out your leg for you when you come back as well. It'll be like old times."

Old times with Al, while they had been searching for the Philosopher's stone

Old times before he had been turned into a girl

Old times before he had become so guilt ridden.

He could have given anything to be able to return to those times, no, those times were long gone, and they were never coming back.

"Yeah, right..." He agreed half heartedly, forcefully as a way to make her happy, and he forced a smile. "I'll call." And then the train whistle suddenly blew, announcing the leave of the train. "You'd better go. You'll miss the train, Win…" He told her when she glanced back at the train.

He expected her to grin with that ever cheerful smile of hers, to maybe hug him again before she ran, before she said goodbye, but she did the complete opposite.

When her lips connected with his, Edward was left speechless. The kiss was fast and hardly passionate, but it had meant something, something to them both, and despite the fact that he was blushing like crazy, as was she; Ed couldn't stop the tears that had fallen the moment she had darted off without a word of goodbye. That kiss was her goodbye, but it was also her way of saying that she had feelings for him…that she wanted their relationship to grow stronger and deeper.

So she did care. She really did but that didn't make things easier or simpler, not when he was in this cursed female body. Back then, when he had been male, Edward would have done anything to have received this kiss. He would have gone after her in a heart beat, but not now.

Not when he wasn't even male anymore.

He vaguely remembered being led into the car, perhaps Mustang had been watching after all or maybe the man had decided to check on Edward after the train had departed, but it didn't matter, and when the man's arms wrapped around his trembling shoulders, and Roy simply held him like he had done that night, Ed had simply broken down and cried harder.

Because it felt so good to know that he could still cry into someone's shoulder.

**I think this was a better direction for the story to take. Winry and Ed's relationship is already at rock bottom and she doesn't even know it. Ed's got feelings for Mustang, and of course all this comfort from the man isn't helping his attraction issues, lol. We also have some issues between Mustang, Archer, and Riza, and some hints as well to what had happened. Want to know more and be less confused then look forward to the next chapter. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews, and once again, I'm so happy that you guys are enjoying this version! It's such a reliever! xD**

**I'm writing my butt off on this fic to try to see how many chapters I can get done before I loose my internet. It's strangely addicting to write right now. lol**

**Chapter 4:**

A few weeks had gone by since Winry's departure, and Ed was still down in the dumps. Normally one would have been happy that he had been kissed by the girl he had always crushed over as a child, but not him. Why should he be when he knew that a relationship with Winry Rockbell would never work out? If she found out the truth about his gender, she would turn him down in an instant and then he really would be depressed.

It was bad enough that his brother had just died, but he really didn't need Winry rejecting him as well. But to make matters worse, there were also those conflicting feelings of attraction toward Roy Mustang, and those still left him reeling with confusion and self-doubt.

His worrying, however, hadn't gone unnoticed by Mustang, who had become concerned about the blonde's welfare, but despite his attempts at consoling and supporting the depressing boy, Edward had simply pushed him away. He expected Ed to be somewhat standoffish, to be stubborn and hotheaded, but not unreasonable. But this was Fullmetal after all. Even still, Edward was still a teenager…a child in his eyes, and the kid still needed a shoulder to lean on, a shoulder to cry on.

He had witnessed the Rockbell girl's departure, and he had seen that quick kiss. Winry hadn't seen the tears, but he had, and unconditionally, Mustang had done everything he could to comfort that sobbing teenager. Ed had soaked up that comfort as if it had been going out of style. Yet the very next day, despite his efforts and good nature, Ed didn't seem to want any of it. Mustang just didn't understand it, but quite frankly, he had felt somewhat insulted.

Fullmetal had always been self-reliant. He had never been the type to rely on anyone else. So he supposed that he could understand why the blonde was so adamant about refusing help. He didn't want to be seen as weak. That was understandable.

But even still, Edward needed to learn how to rely on others.

Mustang watched as the blonde sat by the window, his forehead leaning up against the glass pane. Ed's weary golden eyes watched as the dark stormy rain clouds flew in from the south. His arms were wrapped around his legs as he sat hunched up against the armchair, and Roy wondered. What could he be thinking about?

Winry? Probably, or was it Al, or maybe both?

He just felt so powerless…helpless. These rainy days didn't help either.

It was late into the afternoon on a Saturday, so quiet that a pin could have been heard if it had dropped. Despite the peacefulness, it was also quite boring. Riza had been untouchable, probably out and about town. She did have her own life to live. Though, he would have gone with her if she had called him beforehand. Shopping was hardly a pastime of his, but anything was better than sitting here, staring at nothing, while this depressed teenager moped around the house, in utter boredom.

He glanced back over at the teen, finding to his amusement, that Edward hardly seemed any less bored than he. The kid's gaze hadn't faltered from the stormy scene outside, and Roy wondered how long the kid's attention span would last.

Thankfully he didn't have to ponder very long, because his phone chose at that moment to ring. Lifting the ear piece to his ear, Roy spoke his usual greeting in his dull, quiet tone.

"Hello, Roy Mustang here?"

"**Roy?"** It was Gracia Hughes, his late best friend's wife. He hadn't heard from her in quite some time.

"Gracia." He confirmed with a smile, his mood lifting. The woman's name had also caught the teenager's attention, his eyes wide with curiosity. "How've you been?"

The woman seemed to be well, as was her young six going on seven, year old daughter. **"We stopped by Maes's grave before it started raining when we were on our way back from the market place. I think it made Elysia a bit sad. It always does, but I think today's date has a lot to do with it as well."**

And the general wanted berate himself for forgetting, for forgetting that just a few years ago from this very day had been Hughes's funeral, his burial.

"I'm so sorry, Gracia. I can imagine how you must both be feeling, but would you like for Ed and I to stop by? The kid could use…or well, we both could use a little out time, ourselves, as we've been cooped up in this house for the past two days, and we could also keep you company for a bit. That always helps when I'm down."

"We would like that. Elysia has been asking about her big brother."

With a grin, Roy told her that they would be over in a few minutes, before he hung the phone up with a soft click. "Fullmetal, let's go. Gracia and Elysia need someone to talk to. You up to it?"

The teen just shrugged, boredom resurfacing in those eyes as he huffed in fake annoyance. "Yeah, whatever, anything to get out of this house…" Despite his attitude toward his superior, Ed couldn't help but feel excited about seeing the women. It was always nice and easy going when he had stayed at their household, even before the lieutenant colonel had past away, and it was all because they had never expected anything from him…out of him.

He had always been able to just be himself, and for that, Ed had held a deep respect and friendship with the Hughes, but he also felt somewhat nervous and uncomfortable.

With the death of his brother having occurred a few weeks ago, Edward knew that the woman and child would pity him...sympathize with him and try to comfort him, because they had also lost a close loved one. But Ed didn't want their condolences.

He didn't deserve them, not when he had been at fault for his brother's death. Despite Mustang's words…despite his brother and Winry's words, Edward had never truly given up on that philosophy, and if he could help, he never ever would. He wouldn't kill himself…no that would be an easy way out, and so he didn't deserve such luxuries.

So they were lucky…everyone was lucky, because they would never have to worry about a suicidal Elric…not anymore.

Or at least that was what his excuse was, but there was also…, and Ed shook that thought from his head once more as he followed the man out of the house and into the pouring rain. Damn it…

Couldn't he go a day without thinking about that damn man?

He was so fucked up.

"Big Brother!" Ed found his legs tackled once the front door to the Hughes' house was shut behind him. The six year old wrapped her arms around his thighs, and beamed up at him with that big grin of hers. She had grown so much in just two years, but at least, he thought with a smirk, at least she wasn't taller than him. "Momma said you'd come by!"

"Yeah…she was right." He agreed softly as he placed his hand on her head. "How are you handling things? I heard you were sad?"

"I miss Daddy, but I'm doing okay." She reassured him with a grin, but that smile dwindled as she grew more serious, those large eyes growing tearful. "Big Brother, I miss my other big brother..."

"It's okay." Ed sighed sadly. "It's hard to believe that it's only been a few weeks. It feels like it just happened…"

"It'll be alright though. We'll see him again. I'm sure of it. Though I wish he'd hurry up and come back, same with dad, but Momma says that Daddy won't come back until we die and then we'll all be together, and that makes me the saddest, because I don't want to wait." She sniffled with tears in her eyes.

He felt somewhat nervous as he didn't really believe in the afterlife or whatever, but this was for Elysia, so he smiled reassuringly as he knelt down beside her and embraced her tightly, the little girl's head against his shoulder as she sobbed. "Don't worry, Elysia. Your momma's right and I'm sure your daddy will be so happy to see you, so just be patient and look forward to the time when you two reunite, because you will enjoy it, I'm positive."

Elysia gave him a big overzealous grin and with a grasp on his hand, she led him into the living room where Gracia and the flame were already sitting. "I'm going to go get something out of my room. Be right back!" She exclaimed as she darted off upstairs in search of whatever it was.

Edward stood there slightly dumbfounded. Was that a ninety degrees mood shift?

Gracia stifled a giggle at her daughter's antics. "I'm so sorry, Ed. She's so energetic at this age. I'll be relieved when she's grown out of it."

"If she grows out of it..." Mustang chuckled snidely as Ed sat down on the sofa beside him, the sneer more angled toward the teenager than for the woman. "This one hasn't grown out it at all, and he's eighteen years old. Can you believe that?"

The blonde stuck his tongue out at the flame, which seemed to have gone unnoticed by the elder alchemist. Gracia just smiled with a faint hint of worry. "I hope not. She's a lot to handle right now." she said with a giggle, before turning back to Edward with concern. "How are you coping…I mean with your brother's death?"

"He's done real well, though that first night was a bit of a doozy." Mustang grinned as he remembered the drunken Fullmetal. "But, despite his loss, I think Fullmetal's been handling things reasonably well. He hasn't attempted anything, at least that I'm aware of, so that's a pretty good sign, I'd say."

There had been a few things he had taken notice of over the past few weeks that hadn't really pleased him, but there was no use in worrying Gracia over it.

"That's good to know. I hope things get better for you, Edward. Loosing someone is hard. All we can do is remember the good times, and to know that their pain has ended, and that is why we must continue to live our lives for them." She smiled sadly, her eyes brimming with unshed tears, and Ed returned her smile uneasily, his eyes watching the coffee table intently as he twiddled his thumbs. Despite their attempts to offer their condolences, Ed just didn't want to hear it, nor did he want to hear how sorry they felt for him, but this was Gracia, and he owed her enough to at least be respectful and listen, after all – it was his doing that had killed Hughes – killed her husband. The guilt was never going to leave, was it?

"It's very hard." Mustang agreed as he picked up a metal picture frame off the end table beside him. Gracia and her new born smiled back at him from beyond the glass pane, and behind their smiling faces, stood the late Maes Hughes, his impeccable grin on his lips as he practically beamed with happiness and excitement. "Hughes was a great man, and so was your brother Edward. They'll never be forgotten, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who will always remember that bright youthful personality of Alphonse Elric."

When Ed didn't reply, Mustang looked ready to say something more, when Gracia heaved a lazy sigh as she stood and stretched – earning a blank look from both teenager and man, and then with a pleased look on her face, "Well, let's brighten the mood, shall we? This day is too dreary as it is, so come on into the kitchen." She smiled and laughed in hopes of cheering the two back up, as she strode into the kitchen, picking up the oven mitt as she went. "I have some cookies in the oven if you would both like a bite. Elysia's been bouncing off the walls ever since I put them in, so I'm sure she'll be happy for a little break. My way of cheering her up as well…" She added the last part with a bit of a smirk.

"I don't believe I will, but _this_ might." He grasped the blonde's shoulders and marched the protesting teenager into the kitchen after the lady. "He's always been a bottomless pit." Gracia just chuckled at the squabble that soon erupted between the two men as she pulled the cookie pan out of the oven and laid it out on the counter top, before depositing the mitt on the counter beside the hot pan.

The smell was wonderful and delicious and took only a moment before the blonde felt his mouth water and that decision was made in a mere second. Mustang watched in great amusement as the kid grabbed a cookie from the metal pan with the dreamiest look Edward could have possibly made.

Ed was just about to place the chocolate chip cookie in his mouth when a sudden cry for the woman came from the living room, sending Gracia running in after her daughter. The little girl was standing beside the couch, a drawing on the floor beside her feet, as she gawked down at the cushions. "Momma, there's blood on the couch!" The girl exclaimed, her eyes filled with worry and panic as she pointed down to the red splotch that marked the yellow cushions. "Whose hurt?" She seemed to be looking at Roy and Ed for that answer, because they had been sitting there – not her mother, and the blonde's eyes grew wide as his hand went to his backside.

"Fullmetal?" Mustang questioned with concern, watching the blonde's movements. The blood hadn't come from him. He knew that much, so it must have been from Edward, and judging from the fact that red was now smeared across Fullmetal's flesh hand, Mustang was correct.

The boy seemed suddenly ashamed of himself, and in one fluid motion, before they could issue a word, the teenager was gone. The bathroom door shut with a slam and all eyes darted around from person to person before Gracia and Roy were both at the door in a fleet of panic. "Fullmetal, just open the door? It's alright. Just tell us what's wrong?"

"There's nothing wrong! I just need to use the bathroom!" Ed yelled from behind the door, but neither seemed convinced.

Especially not Mustang. "Fullmetal, that was blood, quite a bit of it actually. Either you explain yourself now, or I am going to go in there and find out for myself, do you hear me?"

"Edward, it's alright." Gracia tried with a soft, motherly tone. "We won't judge you, just please open up. An injury that bad needs to be tended to."

The blonde didn't answer, and Roy felt his stomach drop. "Fullmetal, if you don't speak up, I'm coming in there. Don't think I won't."

"I'll be out in a minute." Was all Ed replied and they both grew uneasy with the silence that followed.

They could vaguely hear as the teen stalked over the toilet, and the faint sound of fabric and toilet paper rustled. Edward was probably fixing his wound, wrapping it, but that couldn't have been the best treatment, and so he felt relatively safe in his belief that the kid probably wasn't even using the bathroom, as he hadn't heard even the faintest sound of urine or dung being dropped, Mustang grasped the doorknob and shoved it in with a firm push.

It wasn't a moment later that Roy instantly regretted that single move.

A shrill scream had sounded throughout the house, so much higher pitched than Mustang could have imagined.

Fullmetal was indeed using the bathroom, just not the way he had figured.

The boy's pants were down around his ankles, while he sat on the toilet. The boxers he had worn hung down around his thighs. A bit of white shown from inside those blue briefs – white cloth – panties, Mustang realized with a bit of amusement, but his amused thoughts were short lived, as that wasn't all that he was seeing. Red blood stained the inside of those whites panties, leaving very little of its crotch clean – and as he glanced lower, Mustang noticed that Fullmetal's boxers had also been spotted as well, and for the second time that day, Mustang wanted to beat his head into the wall for being such an idiot.

Fullmetal was female. That much he had known, but…why hadn't he even considered _this_ a moment ago. Why hadn't he even considered this possibility instead of immediately jumping at the worst scenario? The kid obviously had the full plumbing and a period was a definite female thing that most women had, so how had he been so absent minded?

Maybe it was because he had had so much on his mind for so long and so much worry and concern for that blonde – that had been male once (who should never have even been able to have a period) – that the idea of said blonde having a period like any normal woman, had just slipped his mind, and he had automatically assumed the worst case scenario when he had seen the blood. But despite his best attempts to drill it into memory, it was still very hard to adjust to a female Fullmetal, but he really needed to knock it into his brain.

Mainly to prevent such stupidity from occurring again

Then again, this was a much better alternative than just assuming that Fullmetal was inflecting injuries upon himself. At least there was a good reason for the bleeding, even if said reason was rather embarrassing to think about.

Even though he had calmed, Gracia, on the other hand, seemed to be stunned. She hadn't spoken a word, but as the moments ticked by, the woman finally got the courage to speak, her eyes slightly wide, her brows arched with disbelief and concern. "...I don't quite understand." Her statement seemed to be aimed at Roy and not Ed.

"It's a long story." He supplied as he grasped her shoulder and attempted to lead her out of the bathroom. "…But let's leave Fullmetal to his business. He'll be out in a moment."

The woman however stopped in her tracts and Mustang watched with blank curiosity as she knelt by the counter top and retrieved a small pouch. She offered the bag to the blonde who took it slowly, eyes downcast and unable to look up at her. "I'll bring you a clean pair of my underwear until yours are washed."

Ed didn't say anything. He was clearly uncomfortable and nervous.

A bit later, Gracia returned with a fresh pair of white panties and a robe so she could wash the blonde's underwear and pants. "These might be a little big, but they should do for now. Come on out once you are dressed. We need to talk." She said and left a minute later with the soiled clothes and put them in the washing machine.

When Edward finally stepped out of the bathroom a few minutes later, the robe around his shoulders and a deep blush on his cheeks, Mustang couldn't help but watch the teenager's bare legs as he stepped over to the couch rather awkwardly. The blood stain had been cleaned, the ruminants barely noticeable.

Roy couldn't help but think that the boy had nice legs, so thin and flawless, despite the unfortunate automail. The soft blonde hairs were nearly invisible, due to their light shade, and the contrast between metal and flesh was strange but alluring and Mustang felt his cock grow hard, crap – he cursed himself angrily, but what he wouldn't give to be able to run those fingers up those legs, and further up beneath that blue bath robe, and suddenly, he was butting his face into a pillow as he tried to block out the image his perverted mind was receiving, and all the while, this was earning the most peculiar look from both Edward and Gracia.

With a sheepish look in response, and an apology Mustang sighed in defeat as he placed the pillow back down onto his lap, partially due to the hard on he was getting, but also because he didn't have anywhere else to put it. Damn it. Why was he even having such thoughts about this girl? Err guy…shit…

"Well…" Gracia finally said, her eyes turning to the blonde beside her. "Care to explain your predicament, Edward? Or is that even your name now?"

"It's still Edward…" Fullmetal corrected his eyes still downcast, his hands in his lap as he looked elsewhere. "I'm sorry about the couch…" He apologized. "I forgot to keep track of my cycle this month…, but anyway, It's really not all that complicated, so I'll make this short and simple. When I got my brother's body back, the gate took both my alchemy and my manhood. Now I'm female, without alchemy, and unable to even fix myself…"

"So this has something to do with alchemy then. Is there anyway that you can help him, Roy?" She asked the flame with hopeful, pleading eyes, but he shook his head, and Gracia's expression deflated.

"No, not only would that be human transmutation, an act that would scar me and Fullmetal for life, if not kill us, but it is also forbidden, and illegal. Not to mention, he's already deemed it irreversible, as he doesn't want me or anyone else to even try."

"Hell no!" Ed exclaimed, thankful that Elysia had been sent off to her room while the _adults_ talked, her drawing – having been picked up by Gracia during the commotion, lay off on one of the tables. "This is my problem…my punishment for a mistake I committed. I won't allow anyone else, not even you, to right what's been wronged, nor will I allow anyone to risk their lives for my sake. It's not worth it."

That subject was not breeched again, despite the flame's desire, and so Gracia just sat and listened while Roy and Edward told her what they could. With the story told, the woman sat quietly as she pondered over the new development.

"I can't imagine having to live out my life as the opposite gender. So what do you plan to do, Edward?" Gracia finished, her eyes watching the teen intently. "I mean, you aren't planning on living your life in hiding are you?"

Ed shrugged. "I really don't know, but if the wrong person finds out, I'll end up carted off to prison for human transmutation, or to some lab and end up experimented on. It's out of the question. I can't risk it."

"There might be a way." Roy suddenly said with a sudden thought, his eyes narrowed in thought. "I don't know why I never thought about this before, butRiza's grandfather is the _**Fuehrer**_. I, myself, am fairly close to them both, so maybe Riza and I could talk to him, maybe work out a plan. It won't hurt to try."

But Edward seemed hardly thrilled. "And what…we just announce to the media that I'm a girl now? Sure they would jump on it like crazy, but I'd be harassed daily, and who's to know that some organization wouldn't try to take me away for experiments even without the Fuehrer's consent? Can he really prevent that?"

"Not necessarily, Fullmetal, but when it comes to your track record, male or female, you always will seem to be a prime target for danger. That's something that you will just have to be mindful of, but regardless, if we can do this, and explain that you were female from the start, the media would believe it, and you could live out your life as a woman and never have to worry about repercussions. I'm sure it would work."

"Even so…living my life as the opposite gender sounds hardly tempting, Mustang. I'm a guy. This body doesn't change that." Ed snarled, his eyes growing stormy as he pouted.

Roy just frowned, his eyes serious as he crossed his arms over his broad chest. "Edward, sure you can continue to hide your breasts under wraps, and continue to live the way you are now, but what good does that do you? Eventually your secret will be revealed by the wrong person and then everyone will know anyway."

As he spoke, Mustang was also watching he boy's blank eyes carefully, taking in the dull golden irises that were slowly clouding over with doubt and uncertainty, as the blonde listened intently, and so he sighed as he continued with deep concentration. "I know you don't want to give this body a chance, Fullmetal, but with your inability to help yourself and your refusal to allow anyone else to do so, your best bet would be to try and live with it. Move on."

"It's not that simple." Ed suddenly snapped, his head low, his eyes glowering ahead with a scowl so angry that Mustang actually bit back a wince, but despite Edward's defiance and determination, despite his anger and pushy attitude, Roy knew better than to back down. The kid needed to press forward, and hiding was not the answer. It never was.

And so he pushed back, with a voice so stern and forceful. "I'm not forcing this on you, Fullmetal, nor do you have to agree with me, and go with my offer, but honestly, living your life in hiding is hardly suited for the infamous "Hero of the People. If you truly want to live this way, than be my guest, but you'll never get anywhere in life.. You'll just be a pathetic and lonely_ coward_. Is that truly how you want to be?"

_**Coward? **_ Ed thought with surprise, confusion, and above all else, anger – anger that wanted to put the flame back in his place, to protest and demand that the man take those words back, as they weren't true, but he never moved, never moved a muscle to even stand, and so he and Mustang simply sat, and the flame waited – waited for the inevitable outburst that would eventually come, but it never did. Ed never got the chance, as soft, slim hand had come to land on the top of his head, her fingers entangling between those blonde strands as Gracia started speak.

"While, Roy does speak strong and powerful words, sometimes overly so, but wisdom, kindness, and even concern linger within those angry words." Gracia said softly with a warm and motherly smile, and Ed felt himself calm uncontrollably. "I might not know what it's like to live as a man, and then to suddenly be forced into a body that you've never known, but I do know what it's like to live as a woman and know a woman's pain and suffering. It's really not all that bad, but even so, Edward, life is never easy and it's always has its ups and downs, but try. Try and consider if you could honestly be happy with the way you are? Can you continue to lie to not only yourself but to those around you? And also, would Al be happy to see you live your life this way?"

As Gracia drifted off, allowing her words to sink into Edward's thick head, she smiled to herself as she looked up into the face of the flame alchemist. He was watching the teen intently, his eyes narrowed expectantly and curious, and even somewhat fatherly, but as she watched his gaze, that smile began to falter and she began to notice that deep within those dark depths, there was a second emotion, one she had seen on his face when he had first been around Riza, a confused and worrisome look of desire, a look that shoulder never been in place around Edward Elric.

Gracia grew greatly concerned, not for Mustang's wellbeing, but for the woman he had supposedly loved – the woman that she had grown to love like a sister. Even though Riza and Mustang weren't really dating, everyone that had been close to the pair had known about their feelings for each other. The only reason they hadn't gotten together was because of the fraternization laws, and even with Riza's grandfather in office, the law had yet to be breached. But despite their refusal to go out publicly, she knew that if something broke them up, a second affair or anything else along those lines, someone would be heartbroken, and she couldn't stand the thought of seeing either going through that.

But her worry wasn't just for Riza, as she also felt worry and concern for the teenager who sat beside her.

Edward was oblivious, volatile, irresponsible, and somewhat careless when it came to his reckless actions, but despite his history, Edward was also an innocent, a child in their eyes, and if Mustang allowed himself to irresponsibly fall to his desires, she knew that the boy would fall right along with him, and then disaster would surely strike. But she also didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say.

If only Maes were here, she thought sadly. He would have known what to do. He would have talked some sense into that thick headed skull of Roy Mustang, but she also knew the Brigadier General's ways.

Despite his anger toward the term of 'womanizer', the Flame Alchemist was every bit what that title suggested. He had dated so many women over the years, even before he had known Riza, and with their meeting, she had taught him many things and one of them had been how to be dependable and faithful, and so their relationship had prospered in more ways than one. But depression and sadness had its way of rearing its ugly head, effecting the man's judgment and self control. Even though Mustang had grown so faithful and dependant on Riza, old habits die hard, and with Riza's and Edward's wellbeing at stake, Gracia didn't want to want to chance it.

She would have to speak to Mustang, when the boy wasn't present.

When her eyes landed back on the teenager's face, she blinked in surprise and slight amusement. He was seemed to be thinking very hard on the matter, seemingly puzzled and very perplexed. And after a moment, those eyes squeezed shut with annoyance and concentration, and those fingers rose to brush his hair out of his face with a huff of indignity.

He was so frustrated, but not with them, but with himself. By bringing Al up, Gracia had only made him question and doubt himself and his way of life further, but it had also left him feeling guilty and upset, the guilt having been equivalent to that of a sack of bricks when it had impacted him in the chest, and quite frankly, it had hurt, excruciatingly so, and now he simply sat there for the longest, silent and motionless as he puzzled over this new conundrum.

What would Al want? How would Al feel? And what should he do, were all questions that circled throughout his jumbled up mind.

After some time, Edward slowly lifted his gaze up toward the ceiling, a look of mental pain and agony on his youthful face, and Ed was left with no other answer.

But it wasn't because he had felt obligated to except their offer, nor was it because he had felt that they were right.

No, those weren't the reasons.

It was because of Al, all because of Al, and in the end, if his brother had ever had any inkling as to how his big brother had chosen to live the remainder of his pathetic life, Alphonse Elric would have been angry and disappointed, so very much.

All Al had ever wanted was Ed's happiness. Even when he had been in that suit of armor, Al had been ready to live out his life with just a soul and a metal casing, so long as Edward was alright and happy, and even in death, Al had gone peacefully – grateful that his brother was alive and well – grateful that Ed had been there during his times of need.

But Ed hadn't been happy – not in the slightest. He had felt guilty, and despite Al's willingness to live and die with the errors he and Ed had committed, Ed had seen different. He had wanted so badly to right what had been wrong – not for him self but for Al, and in the end, despite the fact that he had regained his brother's body from that blasted gate, Edward had failed, because Alphonse had died just a few months later.

During those hard months of sitting beside Al's sick bed, Ed would gladly have given his life, just to insure that Al would have lived and not died, and even now, he still felt the same. What right did he have to live when Al did not? He had been the guilty one, not Al, so it was only right that he had been the sufferer, but fate always had other plans. This world was so fucked over.

And so Ed in return would try and do what would have made Al happy.

He owed his brother that much.

And he had promised him that as well.

Al would have been happy with this decision, even if Ed didn't really want to consider it, because it meant that Edward was moving on with his life to the best of his ability, and so he had looked to the adults with a look of pure determination, all the while thinking – this is what my brother would have wanted –

"I'm willingly to try." He agreed softly, his lips trembling despite his courage and strength, and much to his chagrin, Ed felt tears start to well up in his eyes, but he ignored them and just sat – sat and watched as Mustang and Gracia's eyes grew wide with surprise, but also relief and happiness. "Don't get me wrong. This plan and idea suck, but this isn't for my sake. The only reason I am agreeing to this, is because of my brother. Al wouldn't have been happy with me for wanting to live out the remainder of my life this way, so for his sake, I'm willing to try and be happy, but only because it's what he would have wanted, and because I owe him that much. It's the least I can do, but as I much as I would like to get started, there is something I must do first."

He had to talk to Winry and make things clear…make things right.

And somehow, Ed knew that things were not going to go smoothly. Things never did.

Gracia was kind and forgiving, but Winry…

Winry always had a knack about blowing thing up out of proportion, sometimes worse than he, and with Al's death having just occurred a few weeks ago, Ed hoped that she would be a bit more lenient, and that her wrench would stay safely out of sight, but with his luck, his track record, and the fact that her feelings were so greatly involved, Edward knew that he had a slim chance of surviving this upcoming encounter.

She was really going to kill him this time.

**End chapter 4 –**

**Well that's it for CH4. Hope you guys like this. Roy is going to go talk to Riza, probably next chapter, and Edward is going to start making plans to confront Winry about his gender – which probably won't end well. Archer on the other hand will also make another appearance soon – and with it, the story will start to move a lot faster.**

**I originally didn't plan on introducing Gracia and Elysia just yet but they were a welcome guest to try to lighten up the mood, even just a little. Not to mention, I didn't want to bring Archer back in on this chapter. Too soon, so this is mostly filler material, but heck, Ed just made a big decision and we've also got Mustang paying more attention to our little blonde too.**

**PS: Those early periods are bad, bad, bad. So hard to control when you don't know what you are doing. Lol Poor Ed. Bad time to start when you are someone else's house. xD That's happened to me too. Sorry if that sequence is embarrassing for some. It's something that I highly doubt Ed would have a very easy time with, especially with how he moves around so haphazardly.**

**Also, I don't really know how much control the Fuehrer has, but if he/she is unable to as much as what I'm doing, than just bare with me. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning: Some light Yuri in this if you want to call it that… ;3**

Chapter 5:

Monday morning, Edward chose to stay at the Mustang residence while the man left for work. The flame hadn't really put up much of an argument, and supposedly that was due to his good behavior – if you could call it that. Mustang was beginning to trust him a bit more with each passing day.

He hadn't told Mustang why he had wanted to stay home, but the man had just shrugged it off before he left – saying something about everyone needing a bit of a change of pace around here anyway. Though the flame's only request was for Ed to stay indoors and not wander about the city, that it was too dangerous but Ed didn't really care.

If he wanted to go out then he would. No flame alchemist was going to keep him strapped down forever. He wasn't an invalid after all. Wasn't suicidal either, so really, the bastard needed to cool his jets off and stop worrying over Ed so much, because it was downright stupid and irritating...not to mention back breaking. It wasn't like he was just going to disappear one day and never come back.

And despite his orders, unbeknownst to the older alchemist, Edward indeed had other plans for that day – plans that didn't involve or concern Roy Mustang, nor did they involve telling Mustang where he was going. And so he was here, at the train station, waiting on the next train's arrival.

Mustang would be angry, Ed knew that much, but he had something that he had to do, with or without Mustang's consent, and if he had actually told the man beforehand, the bastard would have come along, mostly for support and concern for Ed's wellbeing, and that was something that Ed really didn't want.

This just wasn't something he really needed his ex-superior tagging along for.

He had to talk to her alone and in private.

The ride to Risembool was long and tedious as usual, and with his period only two days in, Ed felt miserable and cramped, as he hunched up in on the bench, his arm around his middle as he forced himself to look out the window, watching the scenery go by, but even with all the buildings and terrain passing by, Ed couldn't help but grow distracted again as he let loose a low, soft moan as he placed a hand down low on his abdomen. How did women go through with this shit? He scowled to himself, and after an hour or so of the bumpy ride, Edward pushed himself up and stumbled over to the nearest bathroom.

Thankfully no one was inside.

The cramps were bad, his period heavy and uncomfortable. So much for a peaceful train ride, he sneered to himself as he changed the pad he wore, before depositing the dirty one in the trashcan beside him. Thankfully these were unisex bathrooms, so he wouldn't have to worry about some guy getting disgusted over their being a pad in the men's restroom trashcan - an incident that Ed would never want to relive. Thankfully, no one had pinpointed it on him, so he had gotten out of it scot-free…luckily.

…

Roy Mustang sighed tiredly as he stepped in through the front door, a few bags of groceries and household items held snuggly in his arms, a look of relief on his face as he closed the door behind him. He hung up his coat and placed his boots in the closet before padding barefoot into the living room, expecting to see Edward sitting there by the window again – like he had been the day before, or maybe even on the couch, or in the kitchen, but there was no sign of the blonde.

So he stalked over to the stairs and called. "Fullmetal, I picked up something for supper on the way home! Come down!"

No answer and Mustang blinked. Maybe the kid was sleeping. That was possible. So he sat the bags down on the kitchen floor and plodded upstairs, knocked on the guestroom door, and waited. When he still didn't receive a reply, Roy cracked the door open, finding it unlocked. But the room was empty, and when I mean empty, I mean empty.

All of Fullmetal's things, his suitcase, his clothes, and even his shoes had been taken, and Mustang felt his blood grow stone cold.

….

When he and Al had traversed the roads in search of the philosopher's stone, Ed had always enjoyed the quiet times on the train, but now, they were a constant reminder of what he had lost. And they were rather boring and dull now that Al was no longer here to make the journey interesting and exciting.

Ed rested his forehead against the glass pane of his train window, a smirk on his lips as he knowingly pictured the flame alchemist's reaction to his unexpected disappearance. The man would be fuming, no doubt pacing back and forth, and all out worrying over where Ed had gone to. He would have loved to have seen the man freak out so badly – it would have been priceless, but at the same time, he was thankful that he wasn't there to get torched for disobeying orders. Mustang always did have a short fuse.

And how right he had been

…

Back in Central, Roy Mustang was pacing back in forth in his living room, his eyes filled with worry, anger, angst and confusion.

Where the hell could that girl…er boy have gone? Damn, it was getting hard just to keep the stupid blonde's gender straight as it was, and with his person issues concerning Archer and Riza, Mustang could do without the crazy kid making things worse by disobeying his orders. He had told him to stay in the damn house. He had flat out ordered him not to leave, and what does he do? He goes and does the exact opposite! He hadn't listened to a damn word he had said. What was so hard to understand about that order?

Damn it. He'd never left the damn blonde alone and now…Shit! This was his fault. He should never have given Ed permission to stay home, but he had thought that he could have trusted him, trusted him not to do anything recklessly, but apparently Edward just couldn't go on forever without causing trouble?

And yet, if something happened to him, Mustang was ready to take full blame, because this was his own stupid fault for leaving him unattended when he knew that he was still depressed, and possibly suicidal.

"_**Hawkeye, here." **_

Not knowing who else to turn to, Roy had phoned the colonel, and prayed, hoped, that she would know what to do in this dire state of emergency.

"Riza, Fullmetal's gone. I don't know where he's disappeared to. He just upped and left without my permission."

She just sighed, a look of annoyance on her face that he was unable to see. _**"Roy, he's okay. I'm sure of it. Maybe Edward just stepped out to get some fresh air. I wouldn't worry just yet."**_

"How can you be so sure?" He asked, his grip on the phone tightening. "What if he's done something stupid? I mean, this is the first time he's really been left alone for a long period of time…and he's still depressed…and he doesn't always think rationally…what if?"

"_**Sir, get a hold of yourself, and think positively. This isn't like you to get so worked up." **_Riza chastised, and Mustang drew quiet. _**"Just stop and think for a moment. If you were Edward, where would you go?"**_

And he stopped and honestly thought. Where would he go? How would he know? The kid's mind was hardly understandable…then again, Yesterday, when they had been at the Hughes, Edward had said that there had been something that he had to do, before he could take on the agreement that Mustang had offered. Maybe that had something to do with it. "Riza, I think I might know where he went…"

"_**And that would be?" **_She simply asked with a dull tone, clearly thinking that her superior was overreacting.

"He's been worried over Winry for the past few weeks. I believe he may have gone to Risembool to settle things. That would explain why his luggage is gone."

"_**Sir, if that's the case, than he'll be fine. Don't worry so much. The Rockbells can handle him."**_

But he wasn't relieved. "But what if he's not there? If I'm wrong and he's not there…then…"

"_**Sir, just call them. You don't have to go out there!"**_

…

When the train finally pulled into the Risembool train station a day later, Edward Elric disembarked with his usual suitcase. The familiar attendant bid him farewell before the man turned to help the other passengers with their much larger sets of luggage.

The dirt road that led up to the Rockbell's home was long and winding. It always had been a tiring walk, but with the guilt and fear nagging at his shoulders and heart, Ed found himself going at a much slower pace than normal. It also didn't help that countless people had stopped him along the way, whispering consoling words and pity, because they had all heard about Alphonse's death, as they wished him well.

But they did little to prevent the agonizingly painful fear that ate at his patience, and strength. He was terrified and worried, petrified to the very core, at the very thought of seeing those tears of betrayal on Winry's pretty face, but there was no going back, no retreating, and no giving up.

His trembling hands by his side, Edward stared up at the intimidating door that led into the Rockbell's house, and yet, he couldn't get his arm to move, couldn't get it to cooperate so he could knock, and after a moment of coercing the limb, Ed managed to rap on the wooden door.

It wasn't long before Winry Rockbell poked her head outside with a dull, bored gaze, those blue eyes tired and lazy. Her look of boredom, however, changed immediately into one of pure happiness and excitement, as she lunged out of the doorway, so quickly that Ed nearly tumbled over due to the sudden weight change, when she embraced him, her bosom to his chest, and her arms around his neck.

"I'm so glad you changed your mind." She said so softly, and Ed smiled uneasily in return. "You'll be so happy here. I'm sure…"

Ed pulled back, a frown on his lips as he cut her off with a shake of his head. "No, Winry, I'm not staying…"

"What? Why? Why else would you have come back?" Those blue eyes immediately shot down to his leg, an idea making itself known as undeniable anger rose in their shiny blue depths. "You didn't break it again, did you?"

He shook his head miserably as he held his hands up in protest. "No, that's not it either. I wanted to talk to you about sometime…something that I've had on my mind for a while. That kiss…" He drawled off shyly, and they both blushed profusely – Winry looking away due to pure embarrassment, her fingertips to her lips, and Ed just sighing as he looked down at the porch's wooden floor. "It made me realize that I have to be honest with myself, and with you. I have something that I need to tell you." Her eyes darted back to his, those shy blue eyes shifting nervously, and Ed winced at the suddenly scared look that existed there.

"What do you mean? Don't you like me?" She asked so meekly, innocently.

He bit his lip, his hands clutching tightly into fists, as his shoulders started to tremble with undeniable hate, but not for her, but for himself.

"I…I do…I do love you, Winry. I really do…" And those blue eyes grew wet with tears of happiness, and she felt her heart swell with joy and desire, as she stepped forward to hug him once more, so grateful and happy, that they had finally admitted their feelings for one another, but he took a step back and away from her outstretched hand, and Winry's eyes grew wide with disbelief and surprise.

How he hated what he was about to do. He was really going to hurt her, and yet, despite his reluctance to do, there wasn't a damn thing he could do to prevent this. "But I can't…Winry, I can't date you. I can't be with you…"

He expected her to cry. He expected her to protest, to slap him, berate him, or even pull out that trusty wrench of hers, anything would have done, but nothing came. She just stood there, her face hidden beneath her long loose bangs. Her mouth refusing to move, and Ed just stood and watched, his heart tearing up with grief.

"…I just don't understand, Ed…" She finally said, her voice so thick and heavy. "If you feel the same way as I, than why? I built the very best automail I could for you, and I even loved you despite the fact that you were always gone. I helped and supported you through Al's death, and I'm here even now. So please…tell me…tell me why, Ed?" And her tearful blue eyes bore into his soul.

He wanted to look away, wanted to turn back and return to central, return to where it was safe, where it was comfortable, where Mustang was (a thought that never really registered within his mind), but he never moved, never spoke, and Winry grew desperate, her eyes wide with desperation and hysterics. "Please…I have to know? Is it something I did? Something I said? Or am I just not good enough for you?"

Her hands grasped the dark sleeves of his shirt and Winry pulled herself up into a one-sided kiss, her lips on his, but he didn't respond back, didn't kiss back, and Winry released a heavy sob as she lowered her face down into the crook of his neck, her tears dampening his hair and throat as she released a cry.

Deep within her, despite the wailing agony, she somehow felt relief…relief that Ed hadn't taken a step back – hadn't stopped her from hugging him once more, and so she simply sobbed, her hands fisting the fabric of his black tank top, and it was then, as she nuzzled her tear stained face against the soft flesh of his neck, that Winry suddenly realized that something wasn't quite right.

Where a hard round lump had always been, there was now nothing, his neck smooth and soft, like hers. No lump. No visible atom's apple and Winry pulled away from him with hardly concealed look of horror in her eyes. That had always been a distinguishable trait, even on him, but it wasn't there – wasn't anywhere. She could see that now, and as she gazed up into his concerned face, Winry grew un-doubtfully disturbed as she began to realize that Ed's face had visibly grown much more feminine and slimmer.

His eye lashes longer, his lips fuller and mouth smaller, cheeks rounder, eyes larger, jaw line softer, his chin more rounded and face much more heart shaped than before.

Her eyes lowered against her will, curiosity driving her hands to the small round buttons that held the collar shirt closed, and before Edward could stop her grabby digits, Winry's fingers had popped the first one through, allowing his scarred collarbone to become visible, and as those tiny hands worked, Ed just couldn't find it within himself to try and stop her. She would find out for herself, and his work would be complete without him having to so much as lift a finger.

As the buttons began to go lower, his shirt started to fall open further, revealing not only skin and scarring, but also a white ace bandage, its fabric snuggly wrapped around his chest, pressing his breasts flat, and for the most part working, but that was all it took before Winry suddenly shoved him away from her, knocking him backwards and into the wooden railing with a powerful and painful shove.

By the time he was able to catch his breath, Winry had already disappeared beyond the wooden door to her house, her anger preventing her from even latching the front door behind her. Inside, he spotted Pinako at her worktable, a screwdriver in hand as she worked on some new piece of machinery. The old woman gazed up at him with concern, her old eyes taking in the bandages that were still quite visible.

"So that's why, she just took off." She stated softly, not a judgmental look in her old, tired eyes. "Care to explain yourself, Edward? I'm all ears."

And so he told her.

The old woman frowned thoughtfully as she smoked her pipe. "I see. It's kind of funny really…" She cackled with a grin, amusement in her eyes. "You see, Trisha and Hohenheim had always wanted a little girl, so much so that they had tried multiple times. That's why Al was born so soon after you, but unfortunately, they were unable to achieve such a feat, and as you know, Hohenheim left not long after you turned four, Ed. It's a great shame they aren't here to witness this. The old bastard would have had a good laugh…"

"You look an awful lot like your mother now, Edward." She continued with a thoughtful tone. "You still have your father's coloring, his golden eyes and hair, but you've got your mother's face shape, the shape of her eyes, and even her lips. It's amazing really what genetics can do."

"I'm sure he would have been amused by this, that bastard…, but Granny, if I could get my original body back, I would, but it just happened and now I'm stuck with this female body, and there's nothing I can do to change things." He said, trying desperately to get his point across that despite his agreement with Mustang and Gracia – that he would try and adjust to this new cursed form, Ed still didn't like it, and he never would.

The old woman just cackled again, amusement ever gleaming in those old eyes. "Well, you can't say that you'll never know what it's like to be a woman, now can you? Who knows, you might be the first guy that will ever experience childbirth as well, and then that really will be something."

"Oh, shut up! That's. so-" And he coughed uneasily and mortified, as he pictured himself pregnant and tied to some white, bloody bed while doctors pulled some red, screaming thing out of his ass. The whole thought disgusted him beyond belief, and Ed wanted to pull his hair out as he turned scarlet red. "That will never ever fuck'n happen, you weird old bat. My body might be female, but I have no intention of ever having kids myself. I'm a guy and guys don't have babies. That's just so sick and twisted, so like you to suggest something so morally wrong, but really, I'd love to see you cope with a body that wasn't originally yours, and then we'll see who has the last laugh, because you'd probably have a heart attack."

She just smirked in response, and Ed felt his blood start to boil. "Maybe so, but you seem to be taking this form on rather well. It would be interesting, though, to see you dress more feminine and not quite so masculine."

Edward's eyes narrow apprehensively. "I'm not wearing a dress. You can't make me."

She placed her hands on her tiny hips. "No, not a dress, but I think I might have something that'll be more comfortable than those baggy things you're wearing. Come this way, kiddo. I have something that might fit you." And she wandered into a nearby bedroom.

He watched her doubtfully and without trust. He was not wearing the old woman's fucking clothes. Not only were they too old looking for his taste, but…damn it, he wasn't that small! She could forget it.

But amazingly enough, the old woman had pulled out a white tank top and a pair of dark faded blue jeans. They didn't look all that different from his normal clothes, just smaller.

"Try these on." Pinako said as she sat the stack down on the bare mattress, before depositing a single white lacy garment on top, and Ed's eyes glazed over with immense horror and embarrassment, his face turning red as he stared down at the lacy thing. "The bra might be a little big or even a bit small. It's impossible for me to judge your cup size when you're bound that way, but regardless, I think you'll find it much more comfortable in comparison to those bandages you're wearing. It'll support your chest and back much more properly as well."

"…But, I." He protested, not liking the very idea of even touching such a feminine looking item – nonetheless wearing it. "I don't…"

"Edward, if you are going to really go through with this, than you must learn to cooperate with those that are trying to help you, and the first thing that everyone will agree upon, is that you need to at least come to terms with your body." She stated with little room for argument, and Ed moped with distress as she bid him one last sentence of directions, before departing out of the Rockbell guest room. "Come out once you are dressed, so I can judge your appearance. We might have to make some adjustments."

Come to terms with your body. Like really. It wasn't that easy.

Ed snorted irritably as he dropped his shirt on the dusty floor and then slowly unbound the bandages, before dropping those beside the navy button up as well. With thoughtful eyes, his fingers came to lightly touch the pert and round breasts, abet hesitantly, as he looked them over with dull curiosity. They weren't overly large, their form average at best.

And Ed glowered hatefully and despitefully down at the two mounds, because he really did hate them, and due to their soft and sensitive construct, they really hurt when he bound them, so, he thought with a hint of curiosity, that this would probably be a welcome reliever for his chest and back – not that it would relieve his undying self-consciousness.

Just the very idea of walking around without them bound was enough to make him want to back out on this entire thing and go back to pretending to be a guy still. Hell, men never went around with boobs sticking out of their chests…

Then again, Ed wanted to pout. He wasn't really a guy anymore either, so what right did he have to say such things?

He slowly unhooked the belt and pants, allowing the overly large bottoms to fall down around his ankles with ease, his boxers soon following the same trajectory. Leaving the white panties on (he really didn't have a lot of choice in the matter as he was still on his period), Ed reached out for the white bra that Pinako had loaned him, and he half wondered who these clothes even belonged to. They couldn't be the old woman's. She was too tiny. Too little, and too old, so who? Winry's? That didn't make since either.

Why would Winry keep her clothes in this dusty old spare bedroom? They couldn't have been hers.

Whatever, he shrugged nonchalantly, not really caring, as he pulled the bra on with a little bit of a struggle.

It was a tight fit, especially since the cups were practically mashing down into the soft flesh of his breasts. The straps tight against his pale shoulders, and even the hooks would barely meet in the back. Ed had tried to pull on them in hopes that they would loosen up some, but had little success in his tries. The bra was just too small.

After having given up on the undergarment, Ed pulled on the new pants and shirt, finding that the new tank top fit much more snuggly to his well endowed rack – an embarrassing factor that had Ed blushing madly. Thankfully the pants hadn't been quite so strikingly different in terms of fitting. They were formfitting and snug to his legs and hips, a fit quite similar to those of his leather pants, so he was relieved. They wouldn't be that hard to get use to.

The new clothes on, Ed slowly turned to the mirror beside the bed, and a bit awkwardly, Edward looked over his new ensemble. This would be the first time since the change, that Ed had willingly looked in a mirror, and it was still hard as hell to do so without wanting to look elsewhere. And even now, Ed didn't want to believe that this girl that was currently looking at him – was himself.

He had always been pretty, even as a boy. He had always tired to deny it, had laughed it off whenever someone had mentioned his looks. But as the years had gone by, Ed had learned early on that sometimes having a good look wasn't always the best thing. More than once, Edward had had to deal with overzealous teenage girls, and now, he was relatively glad, because new he never had to worry about that kind of situation again. No girl was going to date some gender challenged she-male.

Love was something that he would never be able to acquire. He knew that now.

…

Winry Rockbell sighed guilty as she stared off into the sunset. The last train had just set off for its destination, and with it, so had her guilt. Edward had probably gone home, gone back to Central. There was no reason for him to stay, not when Winry had done what she had done.

She felt horrible and angry at herself for treating him that way, because, no matter how many times she wanted to pin that blame on him, somehow, Winry knew that this hadn't all been Ed's fault, so why had she reacted so coldly toward him?

"Why was I such a bitch?" She asked herself, as she wiped at her tear stricken face.

Six hours had passed since their little spat, and the guilt was really beginning to eat away at her. "He will never speak to me again. For someone who claims to love him, I sure wasn't very considerate. I didn't even listen or give him a chance to explain. Maybe I should call up Brigadier General Mustang and tell him to apologize for me once Ed gets back…" She shook her head with a scowl, berating herself for such an idea. "No, that's not the way to do things. I need to get on the next train tomorrow so I can apologize in person, otherwise Ed will never forgive me."

She nodded to her self reassuringly and proud. "Yes, that's what I will do."

And Winry turned and strode down the stairs and into the kitchen, calling out to Pinako as she went. "Granny, I'm going to Central tomorrow so I can…"

She froze in mid sentence, her eyes wide with shock and bafflement.

Pinako wasn't the only one in the kitchen. Even in those clothes – clothes that had originally been her mothers, and sporting that female body, Winry didn't have to ask to know who this girl was. "Winry?" The strange girl had said, her voice soft and weary, those golden eyes wide and unsure, fearful even. "I'm sorry. I should have told you before now, but…"

There was a pause, so uncomfortable and awkward, and Winry slowly heaved an unsteady breath as she sucked up the courage to respond.

"…No, Edward." She told the other girl...and the golden eyed blonde winced, ready to be berated and told off, ready to be lambasted, but Winry's blue eyes softened as she stepped closer and did the one thing that Ed never thought she'd do – not now – not after Ed had hurt her so badly.

…

Winry simply hugged him in a tight embrace, and Ed just stood there, frozen in surprise, his face hidden beneath those long golden bangs, unsure of what to do or say. "I'm the one who should be apologizing." Ed blinked at her statement, so taken aback by her apology that he couldn't muster up even a single word.

"I had no right to take my anger out on you, no right to berate and yell at you…" And she drawled off, her eyes trembling beneath her closed eyelids as she held him closer. "I shouldn't have reacted so violently…so stupidly, because I know it wasn't your fault, not all of it. It could never have bee, because this happened when you restored Al's body, didn't it?"

"Yes…" He muttered confusion still clear. "…But how? How could you know?"

"Because you weren't like this then…" …when she and Ed had met up before the Promised Day – before things had gotten so out of hand – before Al had gotten ill, and before Ed had stopped telling her things. "Do you remember the last time I worked on your automail arm? You were shirtless then, as you always were whenever I preformed maintenance, and you were still every bit the guy I had fallen in love with."

She sniffled, and she felt his arms circle around her waste uneasily, hesitantly, and his nose buried deep within her loose blonde hair, inhaling her scent. "I also trust you enough to know that you would never perform human transmutation to bring back your brother, not after what happened to your mother – though, it's not like you can even transmute without your alchemy…but even still, even if you had found another away to do so without being able to perform alchemy…I know you wouldn't do it, because you aren't that irresponsible…"

And Ed heaved shakily, a tear rolling down his cheek. "T-thank you, Winry…" He managed to say, his words staggering with unbearable relief and happiness. "Thank you…I'm so glad…so glad…"

So glad that Winry wasn't blaming him…wasn't angry with him, and for the first time since Al's death, Ed just simply broke down and cried, and he hated this, hated this feeling of weakness, hated that he had become so frail and weak, that holding back these damnable, unforgiving tears had become nearly impossible. And yet Winry never said a word, never bore a judgmental thought, as she simply just stood there as a means of comfort and support, a sturdy pillar of strength, because that was what he needed.

After a while, the girl pulled back with a cheery smile, a touch of sadness still lingering in her blue gaze. "You know what, Ed?" She asked him with a grin. "You look pretty good in my mother's old clothes. Though I must say, I'm quite jealous of you." A finger suddenly poked him in the right breast, making him jump back with a sudden indignant yelp.

"What the hell? Winry?" He cried flabbergasted and he took a step away from the mischievous mechanic, whose eyes were glinting evilly.

He watched, un-amused, as she started to prod at her own breasts, a frown on her lips as she looked from her own to his, and then back to her own again. "You are a lot bigger than me. Life has a way of being so unfair, but I guess we can't really help that, now can we?" He just rose a brow, and then those gleaming blue orbs slowly rose back up to his face, that evil look returning, and before Ed could move, or protest, she had pounced, and he had all out screeched in rage as she playfully fondled his breasts in away that infuriated him to know end.

"YOU ARE SO FUCKING WEIRD!"

And Pinako just cracked up laughing as she returned to her cooking.

…

Unbeknownst to any of them, Roy Mustang was on the next train for Risembool – alone!

And when he caught up to Edward Elric, that kid was so dead!

**Chapter 5 End!**

**Woot! For CH. 5, and Winry's kind of scary here…but like I said, this will contain some one-sided Winry x Ed and as of now, I think that's kind of obvious, and Roy is kind of freaking out over Ed's disappearance so next time is their meeting. I already have some of that wrote out. So it's only a manner of time now. x3**

**Also a tad bit of RoyEd in it the next one as well, though it won't be what you'll expect. XD**

**Updates are kind of fast but with my loosing internet and the possibility of not being able to post growing near, I still want to hurry and get as many chapters put out before then. I'm still trying to write these as well as possible so don't think that I'm just throwing these together. .**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The walk to the Rockbell's was slow and painful, especially when you already had a stiff back and neck to begin with. How Fullmetal could have ridden these trains for all these years, was far beyond his comprehension. The kid must have had a body made out of steal…no pun intended – he thought with a groan.

Then again, he was getting older and all that paperwork and desk work had probably gotten him out of shape – not that he was fat or old, but damn it, all this walking wasn't exactly easy. Not to mention, he was hungry as all get out.

Train food just wasn't something he would normally call a decent meal.

Covering a yawn with the palm of a gloved hand, Mustang slowly clambered the steps before making his way over to the door, rapping on it with a few good knocks.

And soon enough, the door creaked open as old lady Pinako peaked out with a look of indifference, before her lips slowly turned upwards, those old eyes smiling with amusement as she took in _just_ who was standing on her porch.

"I thought you might come." She asked with a knowing look. "But I'm afraid, Edward's not here. He and Din went down to the Risembool cemetery about half an hour ago. I'm sure he's got some catching up to do with his parents."

Just great, Mustang thought. Come all this way and Fullmetal wasn't even here. "I see…I know this might be an inconvenience, but would you mind directing me to the cemetery? I need to have a talk with that kid."

"Why don't you wait?" a snide female voice said from behind Pinako. "Ed could use some peace and quiet once in a while."

Winry Rockbell was standing by a large worktop, a scowl on her lips as she laid out a few newly built pieces of automail, her ever trusty, yet dangerous wrench in hand.

Pinako reprimanded the young girl for her attitude, but Winry hardly seemed to care.

She was still rather untrusting when it came to the flame alchemist.

Sure he hadn't personally caused her or her family any harm, but he had been the one to push Edward into joining the military and for that, Winry resented him.

Her best friend had gotten into so much trouble and danger. He had almost died several times, and now that Edward was forever lost within a female body, Winry just couldn't help but blame his ex-commanding officer for part of that fault. If he had never intervened, if Roy had never met her best friend, Edward would never have joined the military, would never have become female, and Al would never have died.

She knew it was selfish of her, but Winry just couldn't help but want the old Ed back, the one from before the promised day – the one that still wielded her precious automail – the male Edward Elric over this strange girl version any day.

Though she supposed, if Mustang hadn't come into the picture, there was also the possibility that Edward could have remained in that depressive, comatose state, and for that fact, Winry also held a bit of gratitude, but she would never say it to his face.

"Who is Din?" Pinako merely stifled a laugh.

"That would be our dog. She's the best guard's man around, so I wouldn't worry. She'll have Ed back before you know it. Why don't you come inside, and I'll fix you a cup of coffee or some tea, while we wait on them to come back."

"I would rather go check on Fullmetal myself, if you wouldn't mind." He insisted. "He hasn't been too stable as of late, so I just want to be sure that he's alright. Is that too much to ask?"

"Alright, Winry…"

"Fine, fine," Winry balked, cutting her grandmother off with a bit of a pout. She pocketed her wrench, before stalking over to the flame alchemist, her hands on her hips as she glowered up at him.

"I'll take you down to the cemetery."

And he followed her out of the house.

…

A few miles away from the Rockbell house, Edward and Din stood before the familiar headstone that marked the place where Trisha Elric had been buried.

Along side her grave, laid his father's burial – Van Hohenheim engraved into the stone.

Even though he had hated the man for so many years, the events, during the Promised Day, had evoked a newly acquired respect for his dad, and for the first time in his life, Edward had felt desire, a feeling of longing, just to be with the man who he had once despised with all his soul, but that, like everything else, had been crushed when he had learned of his father's unexpected demise.

Apparently, Pinako had found Hohenheim by Trisha's grave, his life spent, his body worn and already decaying, and so they had preformed a private burial for the newly deceased father in a grave so near his beloved, and so the doting couple had been reunited at last.

But sadly, one member of their tiny family had not been buried here.

Alphonse had been buried elsewhere – his grave in Central.

Not only because Edward had been too depressed, too despondent, and far too emotionally detached to even consider such things at the time, but also because the Rockbell's, who could never be blood related despite their tight bond with the young man, hadn't had the option of speaking out on his behalf, and so, without a word of plan from Ed, the government, knowing Al's history and family bonds with the ex-Fullmetal Alchemist, had taken his burial into their own hands, treating him as they would have a war hero, and now, Edward felt remorse and guilt for his actions.

Al should have been brought back _here_.

Should have been brought back to Risembool and buried alongside his mother and father, but thanks to his no good brother, Al hadn't had the burial that he should have had in the beginning, and as he knelt down by _her_ grave, his fingers tracing along the engraved name of his mother's epitaph, his eyes clouding over with tears of regret – regret and self-hatred, because he had failed not only his little brother but her as well.

During her last moments, Trisha had ushered out a single, simple request –

"Take care of your brother." – But due to his stupidity, due to his selfishness, Ed hadn't even managed that, and now Alphonse was dead – buried in the same graveyard as the late Hughes (a man he had failed to protect as well), and now…he really was alone.

No family

No friends, because ultimately, who could love a murderer?

Tears welling up in his eyes as he sat back on his haunches, Ed slowly began to speak, his words muddled and tear laden.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry for all the things I've done, and yet, you probably don't even recognize me like this, do you, Mom?" He asked with a chuckle, in spite of himself.

"I heard from Granny, that you and Dad had always wanted a daughter and yet, all you got were two sons, so I guess, in a way, your wish was granted."

He pulled back the coat he wore, showing off his feminine body, his secret.

Normally he wouldn't have chanced such a thing – especially not while he wore those girly clothes that Pinako had loaned him, but here at the graveyard, in such a tiny town, Ed felt relatively safe.

"Believe it or not, I'm female, Mom. So I guess I can't rightly call myself your son anymore, now can I? Ironic isn't it? Life always seems to find a way of being so…so…contradictory…"

Closing his eyes, Ed lowered his head against the tombstone, a look of frustration in his eyes as his tears started up a new.

His heart simply hurt just to stand before them…just to talk to them, because it felt as if he had betrayed them, betrayed their trust in him – particularly his mother's, and even if they hadn't died, Edward knew that both of his parents would have surely been angry and disappointed in this poor excuse for a life he was currently living – this life of hiding and deceit – this life of self-hatred, blame, and depression.

For all they had done to ensure his and his brother's happiness, Ed had nothing to show for it – not with their valiant efforts being put to waste.

Though this self-hatred and guilt – they were the main culprits for why he could never live a happy, peaceful life, because, even though so many people had tried in vain to convince him otherwise, Ed could never truly revert away from those feelings of self-hatred, because he knew he had been at fault – knew that _they_ had suffered because of his selfishness, because of ignorance and anger – his mother included.

He had killed her the second time, and with her second death, Ed had killed his little brother…not once but twice, but there was also Hohenheim's death to consider as well, for he still felt somewhat guilty that the man had died even though Ed had put forth so much effort to ensure that Hohenheim would not give up his life for their sake.

And now that he was truly alone, that undeniable guilt over the very fact that he was still alive, while they were lost to this world, unable to be happy, unable to live out their lives as they had desired, had already begun to plague at Ed's already foul mood from the very start, and now he had become unpredictable, depressed, doubtful, and self-conscious, but also…ultimately regretful.

What right did he have to live when they could not?

He was the sinner, they were the victims…and therefore, it should have been him, and for that, Ed felt as if he needed to apologize…needed to atone…

And with Din sitting beside him, those ever watchful eyes watching him intently, carefully, those ears perked as she listened, Edward spilled out his very soul – hoping with every fiber of his entire being, that his mother and father would somehow forgive him for the wrongs he had committed.

...

Winry Rockbell, followed by the Brigadier General Roy Mustang, made her way to the old Risembool cemetery. Not a word had been spoken after they had left the house, but the flame hardly seemed bothered by the lack of a conversation, so Winry was grateful.

"The Elric family graves are that way." Winry absently pointed off into the distance, her eyes looking over at her mother and father's graves instead, but as Roy's eyes looked over to where she had pointed, he found himself growing concerned and doubtful.

"That maybe so, Ms. Rockbell, but he's not there. Neither is the dog."

Winry blinked, looking slightly taken aback by the man's words as she followed his line of sight, but sure enough, there were the graves, but like Roy had said, Edward and Din were no where to be seen.

"Maybe they headed back to the house."

"That's not possible." Winry disagreed, a frown on her face as looked out over the rest of the cemetery, hoping beyond hope that Edward and Din were out among the other graves, but her search came back empty-handed. "We would have seen them."

"Maybe they just took a different route. That's not that unbelievable."

"I suppose…" She said doubtfully.

"Let's just head back for now." Roy said, stepping back onto the dirt road. "There's no use trying to track them down when we don't even know where they could've gone off to. Your grandmother did say that Din was a good guard dog so he should be alright with her."

"But what about your talk..?" Winry said with a look of indifference. "I thought it was important to you?"

"It can wait until Fullmetal gets back, which shouldn't be too much longer."

But unfortunately, as minutes grew into hours, Roy found himself growing more and more worried, as were the Rockbells. Winry was sitting out on the porch, her chin resting on the palm of her hand as she watched for their return. Pinako was busy working on automail as usual, so busily working, that she hardly seemed to notice the passage of time.

That however couldn't be said about Mustang. He was honestly growing very impatient.

Why couldn't that brat ever do things like a normal person?

First the kid runs off without telling a soul after Roy had given him strict orders not to, and now he was missing, along with the Rockbell's dog, and neither he, nor the women had any idea where he could have gone.

After the first two hours of waiting, Winry had thought to check the ruins of the old Elric home, thinking that Ed might have returned for reminiscing, but nothing had been found, and so both he and the eighteen year old girl had scouted the town, asking people if Edward and Din had come by, but no one knew a thing.

But as another hour trickled by, their concern and worrying for Edward and Din, growing ever thicker, Winry's sudden yell for both Mustang and Pinako had the pair of adults running out of that door as quickly as their legs could carry them.

On the porch, the girl stood before a strangely cheerful blonde, a large dog beside _her_, and everyone released a sigh of relief.

"Mind explaining yourself, Fullmetal?" Roy snapped indignantly, his arms crossed as the kid practically pranced into the house. This new behavior was oddly out of character, especially considering Edward was limping, his clothes muddy and drenched.

"I just reconciled with my parents, that's all!" Ed said happily, a big smile across his face as he flopped down on a wooden chair, his hands in his lap, seemingly carefree of the fact that he had just trailed mud and water all the way across the floor, not to mention all over said chair – a fact that irked at both Rockbells.

"Where did you go?" Winry asked with a look of disgust, her eyes following the muddy stains. "We went down to the cemetery but you were both gone, and why are you so filthy?"

The blonde was silent for a moment before he gave a shrug. "I went to my old house for a few minutes and then Din and I strolled through the woods and river area. It brought back a lot of memories. Though, I kind of tripped and fell into the river on the way back. Twisted my right ankle," Ed snickered sheepishly at the last part, his answer for why he was so muddy and for why he was limping.

"The river is dangerous now." Pinako warned distastefully, handing the kid a few towels to clean up with. "I wouldn't go there anymore, Edward. Not only is the river unexpectedly high this time of the year, but thugs also hang about in those areas. You could get hurt."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." Edward waved her off as cheerfully as ever, as he scrubbed at his shoes and pants, before smirking up at his commanding officer. "Say, Mustang, I take it you're here to castrate me for disobeying orders, aren't you?"

Roy merely blinked, still slightly taken aback by this carefree attitude. He wasn't quite sure he liked the teen acting this way, especially not when it came to his lecturing. All this smiling was definitely making the man uneasy, but he wasn't going to let the kid know that.

Castrate indeed, Mustang thought to him self. The idea was oddly appeasing but…

"I suppose I'll let you off the hook this time, Fullmetal, but only because you worked things out with Winry," he sneered as he glowered down upon the youth, remembering the talk he had had with Pinako, while Winry had gone off to check the Elric's old burned down home. "…and because you somehow managed to stay out of trouble, but if this happens again, I swear, I'll burn you alive myself, you little runt!"

And as usual, that earned one of Fullmetal's classic, undignified shrieks about not being SHORT, but much to the man's poor regret, there was a big difference between this one and those from years ago. After Al's death, everyone had been spared from Fullmetal's shrill ranting for nearly a year, but now, it appeared that the vertically challenged, Edward Elric was back, and with a vengeance.

The yelling for this particular rant had been much louder, shriller, and Mustang thought that his brain was going to explode.

The old Edward had been bad enough, but this female version made his ears hurt worse than ever before.

"Just shut up!" He finally yelled and Ed did as instructed, the blonde blinking at him with the stupidest look the kid could have made.

Though, much to the man's poor luck, silence reigned for only a moment.

"So you aren't going to punish me then?" Edward said hopefully.

Mustang huffed gruffly, ignoring the blonde's teasing gaze. "Maybe I will if you don't stop bringing it up."

That silenced Fullmetal for good.

…

After Supper, the teenagers had departed upstairs, leaving Roy and the old woman in the kitchen to clean the dishes.

"Well, thank you for the food, Mrs. Rockbell. Once again, I'm sorry that I came at such short notice, but with Fullmetal…" Mustang started as he laid his supper dishes in the sink.

"I know, I know," Pinako said between smokes, cutting the man off with a grin. "I was the one who asked you to watch over him, General. So really, I should be the one thanking you for all your hard work, not the other way around. So don't worry yourself about it. Anyway, how has he really been? Alphonse's death really did a number on the poor kid."

"Well, arrogant, stubborn, and a bit standoffish, that's about the gist of it, but he's always been like that anyway, so that's not much of a change." Roy snorted distastefully, earning a snicker from the old woman. "Though, this secret of his has been nothing but trouble. I've been trying to work with him and earn his trust, but it's really not easy when Fullmetal won't even accept my help without causing a scene, but regardless, he's come a long way."

"Glad to here it, General." Pinako said thoughtfully when she stood up from the table, a few plates in hand. "For a while, Winry and I had worried that Edward might revert back to that state of mind from eight years ago, but it seems we were worried for naught. Edward's doing rather well, and for that we owe you many thanks."

"I wouldn't hear of it. All of this has been Fullmetal's own doing, none of my own, so applaud him for his achievements, not me."

"Very well, but you sell yourself short, General." She cackled as she begun to wash the dishes at the sink, while the younger officer departed from the kitchen with a goodnight.

…

Standing in the narrow hallway upstairs, he cursed himself when he realized he didn't have any idea which of these rooms belonged to Fullmetal, let alone the room where he would be staying for the night. He'd ask the kid where that second guest room was located. Surely Ed knew that much. Yeah that was a good plan, because he really didn't want to ask the youngest Rockbell, not with that attitude of hers.

Why she even acted that way around him, Roy didn't know, but he didn't really care to find out either. Somethings were better left unsaid. At least they were kind of getting along.

The first door as it turned out, belonged to the girl, Winry actually sitting on her bed, a book in hand as she skimmed over the pages, so lost in the words that she hadn't noticed his presence, either that or she was flat out ignoring him.

Deciding against talking with her, he chose to check each and every other door along the way, before he finally stopped upon a closed door further down the hall.

He could hear movement from the other side, probably Edward moving about as he got ready for bed. .

Knocking softly, Roy listened intently as the movements ceased, before starting up again as the kid stalked over to the door, cracking said door open just a crack so he could peer out at his ex-superior with a look that clearly told him that Edward was far from pleased about the man's disturbance.

"What do you want?" Ed questioned, blushing madly as his freehand held tightly to the bath towel around him, a towel that did little to hide the boy's enticing female frame, and Mustang, despite his best efforts, couldn't stop himself from staring, as he looked over the golden beauty before him – or at least what he could see of him.

With the door open only so far and the towel that still clung to Fullmetal's wet body, there was really only so much that could actually be seen, but even still, between what was visible and his overworking imagination, Roy found that this simple scene was more than enough to turn the man hard, and despite his self-control, Roy fought to keep his hands to himself.

Damn it, this was the second time in just a few days.

Why the hell did Fullmetal turn him on so easily?

Sure he was a man and like any man, he got turned on by a pretty woman, but this was ridiculous. Fullmetal was what seventeen…no she…he…shit. This was infuriating and frustrating, and Roy wanted nothing more than to sit down and claw at his brain.

Edward was eighteen. The kid had said so the night of Alphonse's funeral, so the kid was legal, but hell, he was in love with Riza.

Technically they weren't really together – couldn't be together until Roy reached his dreams and became Fuehrer. That had been Riza's agreement and she didn't like quitters, so Mustang knew better than to try and back out of his dreams now that her grandfather was running the country, but that also didn't mean that he had free reign to do as he wanted with other women – least of all with this female…once male…whatever this person was that stood before him.

But damn, he was so hard and his cock actually ached as he stood before her…him, fuck this. He wasn't going to be able to associate this person with being male for much longer…

"M-Mustang…" Ed's uneasy voice shook him out of his thoughts. Those golden eyes were wide with disbelief as the teen stared down in horrid shock at the front of the elder man's trousers, and Roy realized with overwhelming dread that Fullmetal was fully capable of seeing his erection.

**Shit!**

"You might want to fix that."

Footsteps suddenly sounded on the stairs, and Roy freaked.

"Mustang, what—"Shhhs!" The flame grabbed the door and before the blonde could finish, Mustang had shoved said blonde back inside the guestroom. With the door slammed shut behind them, Mustang leaned back against the wooden entry, listening as the old woman's feet padded across the wooden floors, before she came to a halt a few doors away from their current position. When that door click shut, Roy sighed with relief.

The last thing he had wanted was for one of the Rockbells to witness what had just happened between he and Fullmetal.

A hard on because of this kid, who was fourteen years his junior

He could just imagine their reactions. It wasn't exactly something he wanted to witness, not when both women were fully capable of _fixing_ him. Sure Edward wasn't a minor, not anymore, but that wouldn't stop them from castrating the poor flame.

A muffled curse of his own name was issued beneath the hand that currently covered Fullmetal's mouth, drawing the man's attention away from his thoughts, and when Roy hesitantly gazed down upon the _boy_ he held close to his own chest, he found himself flinching at not just the fiery glare that existed on that young face, but at the fact that the towel had been dropped…outside.

Edward, still held firmly in his suddenly awkward grasp, was butt naked, his face so red from both anger and embarrassment that Mustang released the teen immediately.

The teen huffed, crossing his arms…no her arms, Roy thought with a scowl, unable to look away as those limbs crossed over those large breasts, those nipples so round and pert, and Mustang found himself wanting to whine in spite of himself, but he was in control, he had to be, but damn, all of this wasn't doing his hard on any good...

"What the hell was that, Mustang?" Edward spat with the most heated look. "Are you that much of a pervert that you can't even see a girl naked without getting turned on? Sheesh, even now you can't look away."

"I…I…sorry…" He managed irritably, trying to pull his eyes away from the blonde's naked body with much trouble.

"Whatever, at least you seem to have more control that those other jackasses." Fullmetal growled, turning away the flame alchemist. "Some men have no self-control when it comes to women. If it had been anyone else, they probably would have tried something already..."

"That's awfully sexist, Fullmetal," Roy muttered, crossing his legs in order to hide his erection. "Especially coming from someone who was once male…"

"Oh, shut up. You wouldn't understand…"

"Why wouldn't I?" Mustang quipped. "You forget that I've been with quite a few women over the past few years. I know how they think, and I know what it's like being a man even more."

Edward didn't reply to that as he wandered over to the foot of the bed, looking for his redcoat, not really caring that the movements of his ass, thighs, and hips, were causing the man to grow more and more uncomfortable by the second.

Pulling the coat on over his shoulders, Edward turned around with a look of question.

"Well, are you going to stay in here all night? I have to get dressed."

"Eh...yeah sure..." He mumbled with embarrassment, and then, as if things weren't bad enough, the doorknob began to turn behind him.

Winry's soft, cheerful voice called out to Edward, and Roy all out panicked once again, and in a split second, he had dove away from said door, looking in vain for anything he could use to hide his aching hard on, or even a way to postpone the girl's arrival without her knowing he was there.

He didn't know what Ed was doing or thinking, or wither the teen was panicking or not, but really it didn't matter, because Edward wasn't his top most concern at the moment.

No, he was worried over Winry Rockbell, because if that girl walked in on them now, he knew without a doubt that Winry would automatically assume the worst.

But there was no lock on the door, and he didn't dare try to prevent her entry by grabbing the knob. If he did, Winry would definitely know that something was wrong and then she really would be desperate to get inside.

As the door began to crack open, a crack of light shining in through the door frame, announcing her arrival, all sense of rationality and self control literally flew out the window as he stumbled backwards, but much to the man's unfortunate luck, and even with Edward's sudden yelp of warning, Roy suddenly found himself tripping over backwards, falling into the nearly naked blonde, knocking the unsuspecting and suddenly flailing teenager over onto the bed with a loud shrill and indignant shriek from Edward, as limbs went flying in every direction.

When he lifted his head, he too was lying spread eagle across the bed, but the only difference between the way he and Edward were laying was the fact that he wasn't exactly on the bed.

Not completely

No, he was on top of Edward, his nose just a few measly inches away from the stunned Fullmetal's_. _He half expected the kid to yell or fight, or even curse him, but Edward was frozen, the blonde's eyes wide with disbelief and shock, his mouth agape as his body remained absolutely motionless.

That fear and uneasiness was contagious, Roy realized with a touch of nervousness, but what made things worse and all the more embarrassing was not just the very idea of the awkward position they were currently in, nor was it the alluring fact that Edward's lips were so close to his own, so kissable and yet Mustang wouldn't dare, not with Ed being fifteen or so years his junior, not when Hawkeye was still in his life, not while she still waited for him to come home, but regardless, that wasn't the case…

No it wasn't, nor was it really the fact that the teen's breasts were pinned beneath his own weight. They were embarrassing and awkward, but none of those were the worst part of the whole ordeal.

No...the most awkward thing about the whole thing, had to be the very thought of where his knee was currently wedged – between the other's legs, the flesh of his thigh coming in contact with the soft blonde curls that existed below, while his hard erection lay squished between Fullmetal's stomach and his own body.

The uncomfortable silence that followed their little _accident, _had left them simply staring at one another, both visibly stunned to the point that neither could force himself to voice a single word or even just to get up and move, but as it turned out, neither had too, because the silence was soon broken by a soft, shocked gasp.

Winry Rockbell was standing in the doorway, Ed's discarded bath towel hanging from her suddenly limp fingers.

**CHAPTER 6 DONE!**

**First of all, I want to apologize for taking so long on getting this chapter out. We've had a lot of problems the past few weeks, from viruses, to family issues, so you'll have to excuse the lateness. T he ending was my way of making up to my readers, so I hope you RoyEd fans enjoyed that! X3 There will definitely be some quarreling and confusion going on now. Roy is kind of OC toward the end, but what guy is going to be miraculously calm about something like that. XD**


	7. Chapter 7

Ok, here's the long awaited Chapter 7. Sorry to say that my obsession with the fma fandom has kind of dwindled as of late, so updates will be a bit sporadic. It's hard for me to write or even read Fma right now, mainly because all I want to do is indulge myself in my new fandom I'm so obsessed with! My new one is currently InuYasha and a bit with Ranma ½ - more the first than the latter. X3 I've never had another fandom do as this one as done since I got into Fullmetal, and lets just say, I've gotten into the whole shebang! XD Fanfics, amvs, etc, WOOT! Sad thing is, I watched InuYasha along time ago, like years ago, but that was before my fandom days – or well, my active fandom days. Back then I wasn't into yaoi or amvs or any of that, never heard of it at that pt, to be honest, so now I'm back into the fandom with gusto! I'm thinking about writing a InuYasha fanfiction, maybe even another genderswap fic, but I'm not 100% sure, so who knows, one might just show up. Lol So if you're into that fandom, be on the look out.

Anyway, back to the important stuff:

As I'm sure you've noticed, something has happened to Edward in the last chapter, or well, at least more so than what he's letting on. This chapter gives a few more clues into what that is, and also the relationship/friendship between Winry and Edward turns questionable once again as jealousy and accusations are brought into the picture:

Chapter 7

_As the door began to crack open, a crack of light shining in through the door frame, announcing her arrival, all sense of rationality and self control literally flew out the window as he stumbled backwards, but much to the man's unfortunate luck, and even with Edward's sudden yelp of warning, Roy suddenly found himself tripping over backwards, falling into the nearly naked blonde, knocking the unsuspecting and suddenly flailing teenager over onto the bed with a loud shrill and indignant shriek from Edward, as limbs went flying in every direction._

_When he lifted his head, he too was lying spread eagle across the bed, but the only difference between the way he and Edward were laying was the fact that he wasn't exactly on the bed._

_Not completely_

_No, he was on top of Edward, his nose just a few measly inches away from the stunned Fullmetal's. He half expected the kid to yell or fight, or even curse him, but Edward was frozen, the blonde's eyes wide with disbelief and shock, his mouth agape as his body remained absolutely motionless. _

_That fear and uneasiness was contagious, Roy realized with a touch of nervousness, but what made things worse and all the more embarrassing was not just the very idea of the awkward position they were currently in, nor was it the alluring fact that Edward's lips were so close to his own, so kissable and yet Mustang wouldn't dare, not with Ed being fifteen or so years his junior, not when Hawkeye was still in his life, not while she still waited for him to come home, but regardless, that wasn't the case…_

_No it wasn't, nor was it really the fact that the teen's breasts were pinned beneath his own weight. They were embarrassing and awkward, but none of those were the worst part of the whole ordeal._

_No...the most awkward thing about the whole thing, had to be the very thought of where his knee was currently wedged – between the other's legs, the flesh of his thigh coming in contact with the soft blonde curls that existed below, while his hard erection lay squished between Fullmetal's stomach and his own body._

_The uncomfortable silence that followed their little accident, had left them simply staring at one another, both visibly stunned to the point that neither could force himself to voice a single word or even just to get up and move, but as it turned out, neither had too, because the silence was soon broken by a soft, shocked gasp._

_Winry Rockbell was standing in the doorway, Ed's discarded bath towel hanging from her suddenly limp fingers._

…

…

..

No sooner had her breathe left her, Roy Mustang had scrambled up and off of Edward, before crossing his legs in order to hide his still rather noticeable erection. With the man's weight gone, Edward rolled over onto his side, clutching at the red coat – his only article of clothing – his nose burring itself in the soft pillow, his golden bangs shrouding his face in darkness, refusing to look up at either man, nor woman, wishing for all the world that he were anywhere but here.

"It's NOT what it looks like!" Mustang protested hysterically, and yet, despite the man's sudden exclamation, his plea went unheard.

Winry was gone, the doorway open, empty, the towel she'd dropped long forgotten.

…

The following morning:

Golden eyes narrowed apprehensively as their owner blindly stared at the faucet, or well, the wall beyond it, though he wasn't truly seeing any of it. His mind was on other things, more precisely on Winry Rockbell, Roy Mustang, and more, and even though he had just had a bath the night before, Edward had felt the need to clean him self once again, and so having given a shrug to the questioning looks from Mustang and Pinako, he had quickly claimed the bathroom after breakfast – saying something about not wanting to smell the train up. Both adults had simply blinked, clearly taken aback by this sudden interest in hygiene. Male or female, Edward had never really cared about how he smelled – they all knew that all too well.

A wash cloth ran over the traces of old scars, and bruises too – bruises that Mustang had been too overwhelmed with embarrassment to even notice. If he had, Edward was fairly sure that the worrywart of an adult would have questioned him about them until they were both blue in the face, but at the moment, Roy Mustang had simply kept his mouth shut, not a question asked, and if anything, the man seemed to be avoiding him like the plague.

Edward couldn't blame him, really he couldn't.

Having been originally male himself, Edward knew what it was like to be aroused, and while having a hard on was one thing when you were alone and able to take care of things, to end up turned on during an undesired time period, and unable to relieve oneself, Edward didn't wish that on anyone, not even his ex-superior. Not to mention…when a male was aroused, it was usually quite obvious. At least as a girl he seemed less likely to embarrass himself in such a way. Well, regardless, wither Mustang had been paying attention enough to notice _them_ or not, Edward didn't know, and quite frankly, didn't care, and if Mustang hadn't, then…really, Edward wasn't all that surprised.

_He_ had been careful – or well at least smart enough to leave marks in places so that the average person wouldn't become suspicious. He had to leave it to the _bastard_. The man was smart, smarter than he gave the creep credit for, he thought to himself angrily as he fingered a rather nasty bruise that had been left beneath his jaw line. "Whatever…it's not like it'll hurt him if he doesn't know about it…" he mumbled softly.

Dipping the wash cloth down into the water, dampening it before wringing it out carefully, and soaping the cloth up with a bar of white bar soap, Edward began to dab at his chest. _They_ still were not all that large – thank the gate for that for once, he thought with a snort. The breasts really hadn't grown that much since their debut, and he was thankful, but _he_ evidently liked them well enough. Even as a man, Edward had never really gotten why men were always so enthralled by a woman's boobs, and now that he had his own set, the answer was even farther away than before. They weren't all that special in his eyes, just apart of his body, something that came natural considering he was female now. His eyes lowered down to his legs, or more precisely to what lingered between them.

This was undeniably the worst part about being female, he thought to himself as he shook his head, his wet, damp locks sticking to his shoulders and neck, as he scowled, wishing for all the world that he still had his penis and balls, for the area, the most precious part of any woman…and now his own, was now the source of his discomfort, for more reasons than one could imagine, and he hated it, loathed it, loathed every part of his female body, but this...this he hated far more than any part of him. Being born male, Edward had found it difficult to get use to the idea of having to clean down there…or even just having to piss sitting down, and even now, he felt some sense of embarrassment each time he took a bath or used the toilet. Being born male, he felt like he should never have had this kind of opportunity, wasn't supposed to. It just wasn't normal, but here he was, female, and having to care for his body like any normal woman had to. It just didn't seem right…seemed wrong…horribly wrong, and those feelings would never ever leave.

But it didn't help that _this_ had happened.

…

When Edward came down with his suitcase, dressed in his usual clothes and jacket, he found Mustang sitting on the couch with his own satchel in hand.

"Done, Fullmetal?" the man asked impatiently, his dark eyes swiveling toward Edward, and there within their depths, Ed could still see the lingering emotion known as embarrassment, and also one of dread. The events from the night before were still fresh in their memories, and so, both quickly looked elsewhere when the boy nodded his affirmative, a bright flush of red highlighting their suddenly very pale cheeks.

A small basket of bread was soon pressed into the blonde's free hand by the tiny old woman, Pinako. She offered her goodbyes, telling them that Winry wouldn't be coming down to send them off, and they all knew the reason for that, and so, not having a reason to stay further, and a job to get back to for Mustang, the pair soon departed, leaving the Rockbell home with a silent promise to Pinako that Edward would eventually return and hopefully make amends with Winry, but for now, all he could do was return to Central, alongside the flame, and wait out the storm that had already started brewing.

…

"_W-Winry…I…" _

_She shook her head, her bangs hiding those teary blue eyes from view, and for some reason, he felt guilty, _

Edward frowned sadly as he gazed out the windows of the large locomotive, his hand resting under his chin, his elbow propped up on the window seal as he thought back to the night before. Winry had been inconsolable when he had confronted her about the incident, but surprisingly enough she hadn't lashed out at him. Her voice had been soft and mellow, and even though she had been angry and hurt, Winry had kept herself reasonably calm, but nevertheless, there had been a few things she had wanted to ask.

"_Why did you tell me that you loved me?"_

She had spoken those words…asked that question, and in all honestly, Edward felt guilty and somewhat heartbroken, and it was all because he had loved her so much. He knew that for a fact he did…but…

"_I saw everything, Edward, so please…please don't lie. I may not know what's been going on between you two, and quite frankly, I don't care about whom you share your bed with, or who you date, that's your life, but please…please don't deliberately hide things like this from me…not when I…"_

She had been crying.

"…_not when…you know how I felt…"_

And he had known.

"_Thinking back on things, I should've known" _she had said thoughtfully, almost bemused as she wiped at her tear stained face. _ "I use to wonder why you never seemed at all interested in girls, like any normal boy. Even Alphonse, before his death, had been with a girlfriend, at least before he had gotten so ill, but you…you never even thought about pursuing a single girl…not me…not anyone, and I was always baffled and concerned, figured you'd come around once you were ready, but now...I think I understand you a bit better..." _

She had been so wrong.

"_You've always had a thing for men, haven't you, Edward?"_

That wasn't true. He had liked girls. He had liked her, obviously, but now...

"_Maybe this change is for the better. At least now you can date as many men as you care to, without having to worry about gossip or repercussions, nor will you have to worry about leading women into false relationships in order to hide the fact that you're dating another man." _

Edward scowled, biting his lip as he thought about those words. The way she had worded it almost seemed as if he had been using her as a decoy, to fool those around them both into believing they were still close, while he and Mustang hit off secretly, but no, she was wrong, so very wrong. He had no relationship with Mustang, never would, and regardless, the very thought of living life with another man…

He still couldn't wrap his mind around the idea, and even though he was female now…he still felt as if it were wrong…very, very wrong.

But his body…

…and after that accidental mishap last night with Mustang, Edward couldn't help but blush as he glanced over at the snoring general. The man's touch had felt…it had felt right…unlike when Winry had held him…unlike when Winry had kissed him. Her touch had felt uncomfortable…wrong somehow…but Mustang's had felt…

He wasn't sure why…but it just felt right.

Things were so confusing, baffling, and Edward frowned as he thought back on Winry's final words, _"I'm sorry, Edward…but I…" _she had said_, "but…I can't stand to see you right now. Go back to your boyfriend. I'm sure he's missing you…"_

She had grown tired of arguing, even though their argument had been far from over. She had simply turned her back on him in favor of a hot, warm bath for herself – something she had been about to take before the little incident that involved walking in on Edward and Mustang in a very compromising position. Even then he had protested, his heart in his throat as those blue orbs drifted by him, hidden mostly beneath her long blonde bangs, those blue sapphires smoldering with betrayal, sadness, and mostly anger – they were all emotions, undesired ones that Edward had never wanted to witness on the girl's face, and especially not aimed at him.

Throughout their entire, nearly one-sided conversation, Edward had done his best to convince her otherwise, but she had already made up her mind. Part of him wanted to shut her up and force her to understand, force her into believing him, but another part of him wondered if he kept quiet…

No…

Lying never did anyone any good. He couldn't lie to her, couldn't betray her further, and with that thought, Edward wanted to berate himself.He hadn't betrayed her in the beginning, he thought to himself with a scowl as he rested his forehead against the cool glass with a look of absolute frustration.

…

…

It was about three thirty in the afternoon when Roy Mustang got up from his seat, saying something about going to the bathroom. It wouldn't take long.

But unfortunately for Ed, it had been more than long enough.

…

"Going back to Central, are you, Fullmetal?" a deep voice inquired as a man sat down with the flair of a gentleman – in Mustang's seat, his legs crossing as he placed his arm across the back of the train seat, his fingers ghosting across Ed's red clad back – earning a shiver from the small blonde.

"What do you want?" Edward said lowly, refusing to look away from the window.

A deep chuckle had the blonde cringing as those fingers began to knead into the soft flesh of Ed's neck, the sense of touch turning Edward's face as red as his coat.

"That's awfully rude of you. Don't you think so?"

"Mustang's going to be back any second. You can't…"

Ed's soft voice drew to a halt as those fingers slid beneath the collar of his red coat, those lips curving up in a sick smile, before withdrawing his fingers all together. "Here," the man said as he slipped a folded piece of paper into Ed's quivering hand, closing the kid's small fingers around the document. "Meet me at the marked location in three days. I trust you'll be there as I instructed."

And then, before Ed could reply, the man slinked off down the car, leaving Edward several moments to recover himself before Mustang stepped back inside the compartment.

"What's that?" the man asked with a grin, spotting the folded up note. "Did a girl give it to you?"

Ed blinked at the question, before frowning. "It's nothing. Just a stupid note Winry gave me a while back," he lied.

"I see," Mustang said thoughtfully with a small frown as he thought back on the Rockbell girl's behavior, and their unfortunate incident. There was something he just had to ask and now was just as good time as any. "Say Fullmetal…how do you feel about her? I mean, with the change and everything."

"I…I don't know," Ed started, his voice low and uneven. "I want to say yes…I care about her and all, but so much has happened, and I just…"

"You need to tell her the truth," Mustang replied with a knowing tone when the boy drifted off uncertainly.

"But I'll hurt her…"

"Not as badly as prolonging it would."

"But she's angry with me…"

"No, Fullmetal. She's mad at us both, disgusted probably," Roy said with a tint of anger to his voice. "I don't know what happened between you two last night, but she probably believes I was the one who seduced you, and if that's the case you should still have a chance to fix things with her. That is if you'll do it now before she takes things too far."

"I guess…" Ed mumbled. _'If she'll hear me out…' _he thought to himself.

…

"Yo!" Havoc's overly cheerful voice boomed over the noisy station as they unloaded, the man actually standing with just a little bit of help from his crutch – a big improvement from the last time Edward had seen him.

He, Riza and Fury had met them at the train station, ready to take what little luggage they had with them.

"You look really good, Lieutenant," Ed said with amazement to Havoc.

"Actually, I'm not a soldier at the moment, Boss," the man said with a grin. "I'm still working out at the rehabilitation center, so until I'm able to walk around without this," he gestured to his crutch, "I won't be able to enroll again. It sucks as I want to be back in the action, but life never works the way you want it to."

"I'll say," Ed agreed with an awkward laugh. "I'm actually not in the military either…Havoc," he stammered, unsure of calling the man by his last name. _Habits die hard_, he laughed to himself. "I dropped out when Al got really ill."

"Oh, that's right. How have you been coping with your loss?"

Ed shrugged as he walked along, his hands in his pockets, "So, so. It's hard adjusting to a life without my little brother. He was my only family, but I'm doing okay I guess."

He frowned softly. He still had to reconcile with Al, but now…

"I see…" Havoc murmured, oblivious to the boy's mood change. "I'm sorry, Boss. I'm sure things will get easier in time…"

"As much as we all desire your happiness, Edward, do us all a favor and inform one of us before you just bolt like this," Riza cut in all of a sudden, seizing her moment of opportunity when the smoker's words drawled off sadly. She was walking alongside a very sheepish Roy Mustang – the man having already received his lecture, and now it was seemingly Ed's turn. "Do you realize how much you made us worry, Edward?"

"The Brigadier General was at his wit's end when you left," Fury supplied with a much gentler tone, a weak, weary smile upon his face as he walked a few steps behind. "He took off before Colonel Hawkeye could even calm him down, so please for our sakes, if not for his, please tell at least one of us where you intend on going next time. It'll be a lot easier on all of us, so please…consider our feelings before you run…at least while you're under the Brigadier General's care."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you all worry," Fullmetal apologized with a look of regret, earning a pat on the shoulder from Havoc as the man directed him toward the rear of the state issued military vehicle they'd brought. He really was sorry. He hadn't cared at the time if Mustang had been worried or not – hadn't really thought it through to be honest, but never had he wanted to worry Riza and the others. They had always been so supportive and loyal.

Ed honestly felt guilty.

"It's alright," Havoc had said with a kind smile when the kid flopped down in the back of the car, the man climbing in beside him with a look of pained relief. Apparently his stamina wasn't quite up to par yet with the others, so his exhaustion was quite understandable. Long periods of walking and standing still left him weary and exhausted.

Finally off his feet, Havoc had tried to start up a conversation while the others loaded up the back of the car with Fullmetal's suitcases and whatever Mustang had brought along – which wasn't much, but whatever the man had spoken was lost to deaf ears.

The blonde's attention was suddenly fixated upon a familiar head of jet black hair which was making its way through the crowded station just as they had.

"Chief, is something wrong?" Havoc's concern filled words distracted the blonde just long enough, so that when Ed glanced over at the smoker with a look of mild confusion and then back out that window again, Ed had literally felt as if his stomach had suddenly dropped out from under him, leaving him reeling with a feeling of dread.

That familiar head of black hair had disappeared into the sea of people.

"Fullmetal?" Mustang inquired, taking in the disgruntled look on the boy as he sat in the passenger's seat beside Riza, looking from Edward, to Havoc, and back again. "Havoc, what happened?" he questioned the smoker when Edward didn't speak.

"I don't know. Kid just froze all of a sudden."

Riza peered back into the back with a look of concern, those amber eyes just as quizzical as Mustang's.

"Fullmetal, are you certain there isn't anything you haven't told us?" Mustang asked suspiciously, thinking back on the prior events. Winry was one thing, but he couldn't help but think back on Fullmetal's muddy, soaked, and injured state from the night before. Was it all just a mishap of clumsiness? Or was it something more?

"I'm fine…" Ed mumbled agitatedly, his lips twisting into a snarl as Fury opened the car door to his right – the single action forcing Ed's yellow eyes to look away from the window – not that staring out said window did him any good now.

"I'm just tired…that's all…" he said when the man looked doubtful.

"You're sure?"

"Yes, nothing happened."

Roy shrugged nonchalantly, clearly not content with that answer. "Maybe you should get some rest then," he suggested, earning a considering nod from the youth, as he turned back around to face the front. Riza took that notion as a signal of leave, and so she revved up the motor and put the vehicle in gear, before piling out of the station. When the others began to speak amongst themselves, Edward took the liberty of glancing out the back, his golden eyes scanning the busy crowd, looking for any sign of the dark haired man he had seen just a few moments ago, and sure enough, standing out by the station entrance, watching their leave with utmost arrogance, was the man he knew all too well.

While Edward couldn't make out his features, Ed knew that those lips were curved up in a smirk, and for once in his life, Edward Elric was thankful that he was in a moving car and not walking alone on foot.

…

The trip back to the flame's home was short and for the most part, silent. Every once in a while, someone would try to start up a conversation, but usually it would soon dissipate, leaving them all in awkward silence. The mood just wasn't there and neither Edward nor Mustang seemed all that interested in small talk, so the rest of the ride was saturated in absolute silence.

When all was quiet and the others had finally ceased talking, all together, Edward felt his eyes drift close, his body relaxing as he drifted off into a much needed sleep, not even aware of who he was leaning on.

Up front Roy blinked as a soft smile formed on the lips of the colonel as those amber eyes gazed up at the rearview mirror that hung between them. Following her gaze, Mustang couldn't help but shake his head with amusement. The youngest member of their party was asleep; his head resting on Havoc's shoulder, a strange blush coating the smoker's face as he wearily stared down at the blonde head that rested against him. Some part of Roy fought not to scowl as he stared at the scene reflected into the mirror. A part of him wanted to be the one in Havoc's place, and yet Roy couldn't understand why.

Fury sat beside the sleeping teen, his large eyes watching both blondes in rye amusement, while Havoc could only frown, clearly uncomfortable with having the hot tempered blonde at such close proximity.

…

_Pain, that was all he could feel as a fist collided with his jaw, a hand backhanding him across the face, knocking him to the ground beside the river._

"_Be a good girl and follow through with your end of the bargain," a deep voice said._

"_Shut up, this wasn't part of the deal!"_

When the car pulled into the driveway, Mustang having to physically get out and unlock the gate, Havoc and Fury blinked nervously down at the still sleeping teenager with a look of pure dread as they took note of the frown that graced the boy's lips.

Having little choice but to wake the teen up, Havoc slowly let his hand rest against the boy's shoulder before giving the teen a firm shake as he called out to him, trying to wake him gently.

"Ed_ward…"_

_The hands on his shoulders shook him harshly as he was shoved up against a rock, his chin grasped painfully as lips crashed down upon his own in a tight, unforgiving lip lock._

Havoc frowned as a felt a tremor start to work its way through the boy he held.

Was he having a nightmare?

_A knee slammed up between his assaulter's legs, a grunt escaping the man's mouth as a hand retracted to cup his own groin. Angry blue eyes landed on the boy before him and with a quick movement, he slugged the teen hard in the midriff, watching in sick satisfaction as the boy wheezed painfully, the air knocked out of him._

"Edward, come on…" Havoc was saying, growing concerned as the kid started to wheeze in his sleep, those closed eyes scrunching up as the boy shuddered in his grasp.

"_Edward, come on now. Don't make me do anything we'll both regret."_

_A hand rose up to cup the blonde's breast, smiling ruefully as he kneaded and prodded at the soft, bra bound mound of flesh. A soft in take followed suit as the kid arched away from his touch._

"…D-don't touch me…" a soft voice whispered, and Havoc withdrew his hand from the boy's shoulder with a touch of embarrassment, and confusion. The kid was leaning on him…not the other way around…

_Lips once more claimed his own as another hand slid down between his legs, those fingers rubbing against…._

And golden eyes suddenly snapped open and were met by large, crystal blue ones, and before Havoc could say a word, he found a fist to his face, the unexpected impact to his nose making him tumble out backwards through the open car door, and onto the gravel covered ground in a disheveled heap.

Edward blinked, suddenly snapping into awareness – horror flashing through his wide golden eyes as they landed on his friend's form, and all Ed could do was stare in abject terror as he buried his face into his hands, his body literally trembling as he realized what exactly he had just done.

He…

He had thought…he'd thought…

Shit and Roy was by Havoc's side in a second, a look of concern and disbelief on the dark haired man's face as he helped the blonde rise to his feet, returning the man's crutch to him quickly. "You okay?"

The smoker nodded as he brushed his fingers across his bloodied nose, wincing painfully as he felt the break. "I'll be fine, had worse happen…though he broke my nose…kid packs a punch…" the injured man laughed once he was standing firmly. Roy only nodded sympathetically as he turned his attention to the source of the man's newly acquired injury, his dark eyes clearly unimpressed by the boy's actions, but he didn't have to ask. Havoc beat him to it. "Boss, are you alright?" he questioned with concern as if the boy had been the one punched in the face instead of him.

"…I…I was dreaming…" Ed mumbled, feelings embarrassed and regretful for his outburst.

"So you punched Havoc out because he woke you up?" Roy asked snidely.

The kid shook his head, still refusing to look either man in the eye, "…No…I…I thought he was someone else…guess I wasn't fully awake…"

"Who would that be?" Roy questioned with a raised eyebrow, those ever watchful eyes taking note of the sudden twitch of Edward's shoulders as the kid faltered, clearly uncomfortable, and despite his desire to know what ailed the boy, he merely shrugged, much to the boy's surprise. "Was it one of your old enemies?"

Ed nodded; abet hesitantly, "I guess you could say that…"

"Makes since..." Riza acknowledged for the first time as she clambered out of the driver's seat, coming to stand by Roy's side, "I've had my own share of nightmares that involved old foes."

"We all have," Fury agreed as he remained seated, rather nervously, beside Edward.

With a look of guilt and remorse on his face, Edward forced himself to look up at Havoc.

"Sorry about that," he said regretfully.

"No problem, Boss," the man replied back with a slight laugh. "I've had worse…" he said with a wince, pointedly glancing at the flame alchemist with that.

Roy could only snicker.

With the apology said, and Havoc issuing many a word of reassurance due to Edward's undying guilt, the group of five, carrying what little luggage they had, headed on inside the house.

Dropping the items off in their respective owner's rooms, the group settled down in the living room, minus one. Having unpacked his things once again, Edward sat silently on his bed as he undid the folding of that _man's_ note with a look of dread and sheer concentration.

But it wasn't a note at all, but a map – a map of Central with a single red circle drawn out around a large building in the eastern portion of the residential area.

…

"Fullmetal, I've been meaning to talk to you about that proposal I made over at Gracia's house," said Mustang when the boy came downstairs about two hours later, the others having left about an hour before.

"About that…I'm not interested," was Fullmetal's unexpected answer, causing Mustang's mouth to gape as he stared down at the boy in disbelief. Ed merely cast him a glance as he stepped into the kitchen to find something to eat, snack wise.

"What? Why? You said you were willing to give it a shot."

Ed shrugged as he pulled out a foil wrapped sandwich – courtesy of Riza Hawkeye. "I changed my mind, that's all. Wearing those clothes over at the Rockbells, kind of turned my stomach on this whole, live as a girl thing. I'm just not ready."

"You didn't seem to mind as much while we were there."

Mustang took his own sandwich from the fridge.

"Yeah, well…" Ed snorted as he un-wrapped his meal from the foil, turning his back to his caretaker as he took a large bite. "They were comfortable, sure, but I just don't have the desire to go through with this anymore. I'm not a girl, Mustang, at least not mentally. You can't just change a man into a woman in one day. It doesn't work like that."

"Maybe so, but what do you plan on doing? Hiding your whole life?" Mustang questioned his anger and irritation growing when that blonde head nodded with confirmation. "Fullmetal, I gave you an opportunity to live your life without hiding. I can still talk to the Fuehrer. Maybe we can make out some sort of plan."

"The Fuehrer wouldn't help me and you know it. Even if I did tell him, he would probably throw me in jail, if not have those quacky scientists experiment on me."

"That wouldn't happen…"

"Don't give me that, bastard. You know as much as I do that human transmutation is illegal, forbidden, and that's the very first thing anyone would assume if they found out about me being a girl."

"Fullmetal," Mustang quipped, trying to keep himself calm, despite his raging anger. "I told you just a few days ago, that Riza and I are on first name bases with the Fuehrer. We can work something out without having to even worry about that possibility. He's a kind and understanding old man. He'll help us, so just give us a chance."

"I think I'll pass."

"Fullmetal," and before Mustang could say another word, Edward had stalked off into the living room with his half eaten sandwich in hand, leaving the older man to curse in his wake. What on earth had changed the boy's mind so drastically?

Well, whatever it was, something was very, very wrong here, and not just with this…

There were other things that bothered the man still…things like Edward's sudden assault on Havoc in the car and the supposed nightmare that triggered it, the way he had spaced out just moments before they had pulled out of the train station, and the injured, wet Edward he witnessed at the Rockbells…

They were all things that bothered him greatly, and Mustang vowed.

He would get to the bottom of this.

…

But much to the man's poor luck, a day had already gone by, and Roy Mustang still hadn't figured out what was wrong with his subordinate, nor had he gotten any information out of the kid. He had taken the blonde to and from work for the past few days. He even had his subordinates keeping an eye on the teen while he worked – despite Pinako's instructions to give the kid some space and trust, but even with everyone watching and tending to the little blonde's needs, Edward had yet to let a single thing slip.

He was so careful about everything he did and said, and quite frankly, Mustang was beginning to feel disturbed, not to mention impatient.

….

During lunch on the second day, Riza Hawkeye had been sitting at her usual table, eating the usual mess food, when her attention was drawn over to a familiar golden head of hair.

Edward was standing off to the side of the room, by the wall, his lunch tray in hand. It wasn't an unusual scene as tables and seats always filled up rather quickly, causing unlucky officers to stand or retreat back to their offices in order to eat, but something about this was off, especially considering the fact that there were still tables and plenty of chairs available to sit at. Heck, he could've sat at her table for Pete's sake. Sure she was irritated with the kid, but sheesh, she was angry with Mustang too, so the kid really hadn't had a reason not to come over and sit with her.

Then again, Edward had always been a bit of a loner, but still, Riza couldn't help but wonder why he would isolate himself like this.

Then it came to her, Roy had told everyone, herself included, to be mindful of the boy, and to be on the watch out for anything unusual. She had been doubtful of his concerns about the boy's wellbeing – Edward wasn't exactly the type you'd consider helpless, for even at the ripe age of twelve, the teen had been able to care for himself and his younger brother, so she really couldn't see why her superior was so worried about the ex-Fullmetal – a year without sparing, without fighting wouldn't hinder his fighting skills that drastically, so it couldn't be his safety Roy was so concerned about, could it?

But apparently, there were a few things the kid had done in the past few days that bothered Roy, so maybe he was more concerned with the boy's mental stability, not physical, or well at least not for the most part. She pondered that thoughtfully, eyeing the boy as the kid remained unmoved and unaware.

With the death of his younger brother, it was understandable…and if so, Roy had every right to be concerned. Cutting and suicidal thoughts…

She hated the idea of the boy pulling acts of such…but if Roy was so worried…

Riza frowned darkly, shaking her head. She needed to talk to the child, no young adult, in hopes that maybe she could talk him into coming over and sitting with her, maybe she could get through to him…and so Riza stood and made to move over to where he was standing, but as her eyes landed on Edward once more, Riza felt her stomach clench.

An older man had come to a stop before the youth, the taller of the two standing a good bit taller than Edward himself, but it wasn't the man's extraordinary height that bugged her so badly. It was the fact that she recognized this man, even from the backside, even from this distance. There was no way she could mistake him for anyone else, not by a long shot, but it wasn't just that prospect either, but also because Edward's yellow eyes were locked on his lunch tray, seemingly refusing to look up at his companion, even when said companion was talking to him. There was a nervous air about the child, even down to the way his shoulders remained slouched and unsure.

-so unlike Edward, it was downright eerie.

But she didn't have to be the one to confront either.

Roy, who had been standing in the lunch line – waiting for his own meal – had stepped forward – seemingly having witnessed the same scene as she had.

The unsuspecting duo glanced up at him – a look of surprise gracing the blonde's face as the younger of the dark haired men grabbed Edward's wrist and forcefully pulled the teen and his lunch tray off and away from the other man's presence, not giving the kid any choice in the matter, or an explanation.

Back in Mustang's office, Edward Elric received quite the earful.

"Nothing happened," the blonde insisted with a frown, his eyes downcast. "He wanted to apologize and even make it up to me, because of how rudely he treated me when we first met. He bought me lunch, that's all. He's really not all that bad once you get to know him."

"Not that bad?" Roy exclaimed, his eyes stormy. "Fullmetal, for one, I know him far better than you do. I know what he's capable of and I know what's been done in the past. I don't trust him, but if you really believe he's okay, than fine, but don't come crying to me if you end up hurt by that asshole!"

"Yeah, well, I'm not exactly the greatest person in the world either, Mustang," Edward spat between bites. "I've done some of the most horrible things as well, so how can I just go pointing fingers and condoning someone, when I don't even know them all that well. That's being hypocritical if you ask me, Mustang. I think we should give him a chance to redeem himself."

"Edward, he's a lost cause," Riza cut it. "Do you realize just how many second chances he has received?"

"You gave me a second chance though…"

"That's different."

"How so? You know what I've done. If anything, I've probably done things far worse than Colonel Archer has." The boy seemed to cringe at his own words, though he honestly seemed to believe them.

"No, you have not," Mustang barked back, his words harsh but strangely reassuring.

"Fullmetal, you've done nothing of the sort. Do you hear me?"

"But I have…"

"Edward, I've known Archer for nearly as long as Roy has," Riza cut in with an almost motherly tone, those amber eyes knit with worry. "You don't understand why we worry so much, because you haven't known the true horrors that we've gone through because of him, so please…please don't get involved any further."

Her soft, gentle words drew more than just reassurance and instruction, but also curiosity – curiosity in wanting to know what had happened between these three, but there was also something else that lingered in those golden orbs, an emotion that neither Mustang, nor Riza, were even aware of.

"I asked this once, but Mustang wouldn't tell me, so will you?" Ed asked just as softly, his weary golden eyes trying to look hopeful as he laid his fork down in his tray. "Will you tell me the truth about what happened? Between you two and Archer, I mean."

"Fullmetal…" Mustang started to say.

"Roy he deserves to know."

…

**End chapter 7**

**Roy and Riza's past is revealed in the next chapter!**

**And possibly Edward's secret he's been hiding from everyone, including Mustang!**

**Whew – glad that's out of the way. This chapter was hell to write. Sorry for taking so long. I wanted so badly to finish but so many things have gone crazy around here. First off, I am loosing my highspeed either this week or next week, I'm sure when, so hopefully dialup with work so I can continue to update – if not, I know for certain that my updating will cease for quite a while, but I also know that I won't let this fic die, so unless something happens and fanfiction goes bye bye, then I will return eventually. X3 Second of all, because of my future loss of internet, I retired from making amvs and left all my MEP groups so the past few weeks were spent trying to finish up any projects that I still owed people. They were more important than writing, so I lost a lot of writing time, there, but all of that is over, so I'm back and in full ability to write, so expect more updates – of course unless I loose all ability to post, which hopefully that wont' come down to that.**

…


	8. Author's note! Important!

I know its been too long since I updated and I know these aren't allowed, but I wanted to let you guys know that I'm** not** dead. There's still a chance that I might update this thing-that is if I can get the umpth to do it. I'm really, really big into the InuYasha fandom right now, so it's been the only thing on my mind, and I'm still using Dialup Internet. But the thing is, I've been thinking long and hard about my plot, and while I'm not going to start over from scratch (**can't do that to you guys again!**),_ if _I do start back on this, I will go back and edit the previous chapters, fixing anything I come across that I don't like. I may or may not pull out the dark/rape parts out of this-meaning there might not be any evil Archer and no rapes. If I pull him, he _may_ make a guest appearance but he most likely **won't** be a major part of the story like he was in the original. That is if I pull him. He may stay. He may not. I'm not sure yet. I have an idea for another genderswitch story that involves him and personally I think he suits _that_ storyline better than he does this one, but we'll see how things turn out. I'd prefer to just leave him and his raping out all together, if I can help it,and yet I don't want to ruin the story, so if I can't make it work, then the story will remain as is with just a few adjustments. Anyway, keep your fingers crossed. Hopefully there will be a new update soon!

~Kanna

PS-If you are into **amvs**, I have new ones up on my **youtube** channel! Link is on my **profile,** as well as others. Yes I am back into making them! I also have some **mmd** videos on there and on **NicoVideo** (one in particular, a **Miku x Kaito PV** to **Final Fantasy's 'Eyes on Me'**, has already reached 700 views on NicoVideo in three days), **MikuMikuDance**, so if you're into **Vocaloid** please check them out as well.

I also have a** Twitter** now. The link is also on my profile! Follow me if you want to get to know me, contact me, or simply wish to keep up with any of my updates, be they fanfictions, videos, artwork, etc. I would like more people to talk to on there! :)


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